Day 433 - Communication: Opening up

I'm finding it difficult to open up and share myself more deeply, and I think that's because I've got a lot of nasty thoughts moving around in the deeper dimensions of my mind. "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all," I hear my mother demanding. To purify this: If I don't have something nice to say, go write it out and take the points back to myself within the process of initiating self-correction, so that I may embody the solution and live as the example of how I'd like to see everyone else living, regardless of if anyone else does or not!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear opening up and sharing myself because I want to hide the nasty thoughts I have about others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear opening up and sharing myself because this makes me vulnerable and weak.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT open up because I fear being attacked, and not recognize the opportunity to embrace potential attack, as this could help me shed more layers of ego and specify my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being ridiculed, rejected, disparaged because I want to be the very best, like no one ever was.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to explore vulnerability within communication, while actively realizing my ego's propensity to take the reactions of others personally, and expressing myself anyway.

I commit myself to push myself further exploring these two dimensions of communication withholding patterns that opened up here: hiding my secret mind nastiness & vulnerability/ego issues.

When and as I see that I am withholding my communication because what I have to say is not nice to say, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I do need this practical "guard" over my mouth so as not to offend others and make matters worse. I commit myself to investigate myself, in writing on my own time, regarding the specific point of nastiness that I wanted to speak, so that I may purify myself within the point and clarify my expression to support what is best for all...instead of just spewing my mind.

When and as I see myself stopping from speaking because I fear others with react with mild to severe disagreement, I stop, I breathe. I realize that fearing the responses from others because of my inclination to take it personally is drastically limiting myself and my potential contribution in expressing myself with others. So, I commit myself to push through these moments, and embrace the reactions of others, learn from them, embrace myself, and know that I will live to see another day and continue to specify my expression to be more agreeable.

I commit myself to releasing this layer of ego protection (from ridicule, rejection, disagreement) in part by embracing this journey to life, sourcing my strength from life and clarity rather than from relative ego standing; and in part by ending my participation in dishing out ridicule, rejection, and hasty, ill-considered disagreement.

I commit myself to opening myself up within communication by practicing with my partner, and by releasing my secret mind backchat in private writing, to purify the point I want to communicate about before vocally expressing it.

Opening up is cool. Let's all shed our layers and get real here!

Day 415 - Hearing or Watching Myself

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to fear listening to my own voice, to cross reference what I’m saying before sharing it with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on Garbrielle to vet my expression for me, and to have created our relationship to be this way in my mind – never letting her really know and understand that I want this of her because I’m embarrassed about this dependency relationship point because I know better and because Garb’s really independent and I don’t want to be seen as less than her – which I now see is one critical dimension of why I haven’t allowed myself to support and be supported in this relationship because I’m competing with her/others to validate myself, my standing in the world, in process, and in relation to my peers/others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am invalid, unworthy, “a zero”, an outsider, and someone who doesn’t have a voice, input, or impact in the direction of the world or my life circumstance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being impotent.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust my expression when I go out on a limb.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear energy to determine whether or not I go for it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to hide myself behind my hands via fingernail biting because I am afraid that if others get a good look at me AND decide I’m unworthy of their acceptance, then I have lost big time; and that by hiding behind my hands as an underlying objective within nail biting is a deliberate self-sabotage point so that I cannot be truly judged as who I really am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear giving it my all because I fear being judged for who I truly am.

I commit myself to listen to reread my writings, listen to my voice recordings, and watch my videos.

Then, I commit myself to investigating any reactions, clearing them with SF aloud, and if anything still remains, I'll consider what practical edits would help me express the nature of what I am trying to say.

I commit myself to publishing myself much more frequently.

I commit myself to sharing myself with others, no matter how much ego-based resistance I generate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate resistance to sharing myself within and through my participation in egocentric comparison judgments.

I commit myself to just getting myself and my process out there. No fear.

I commit myself to understand that I amplify my efforts in process by sharing myself! Exciting times ahead readers!

Thanks.

Day 408 - Sorry for not sharing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and become overwhelmed when I consider sitting down to write a blog post.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take back my awareness, breathe, and direct myself to specifically express myself in a way that supports what is ultimately best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, as ego, to insert self-interested priorities that are not only NOT best for all, but also and obviously not best for myself either.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in attempting to portray 'honesty', rather than showing how I live the word 'honesty', with myself, seen in the results of my direct, living participation in physical reality.

I commit myself to sitting down and sharing myself with the world, here. I commit myself to do it more frequently. I commit myself to investigating the resistances to writing blogs, more deeply than I have thus far.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself, that I know who I am in my expression as my written words, and that I trust myself within living 'integrity' to the degree to which I am comfortable sharing my writings with the world. If I look at the top of the page, I see that I've done this already four hundred and seven times. Dan, I suggest to now go back to your old posts and see what I can learn from myself!


So, please, forgive me for not sharing. I commit to take personal responsibility for not sharing myself through a shared investigation of why I haven't. That's a big statement. <that's a reaction.

I react to this because it's head on with what's been holding me back. (This process really is about specifying our aim, and taking on these systems without allowing fear to direct our actions!) To live a commitment like really takes effort. I am responsible for now creating/producing something. I am responsible for taking on this, specific responsibility.

Also, I haven't been sharing myself specifically because I don't want to, for reasons based somewhere on the continuum of self-honest to not. Purifying this decision tree, would be of vast importance. Like cleaning up the starting point in a vital way. Once clean, I will know my why. I will LIVE it.

With this solution in place, I will allow myself to generate organized, specific, supportive writings.

For awhile, I have been giving myself some writing. And now, I commit myself to giving more writing, to everyone. Thank you for being here with me.

Day 392 - On Writing: Sharing is Caring

As everyone in the universe has or will have noticed that I've not been posting regularly in this Journey to Life blog, I now commit myself to rejuvenate my blogging initiative.

What does this mean exactly? Rejuvenate as in "Return to life," and Initiative as in "a new program or strategy for dealing with a problem." Writing in my Journey to Life blog is a personal process, shared with all. Writing on my own private computer journal has been trending recently, and I've made all kinds of justifications for why I write there and not here, publicly. No more!

I'm going to get back into the groove of unconditionally sharing my process and writing with you all because then you are able to hold me accountable and check my words. If you can relate to a mind pattern that I've opened up for myself, great. It's not fair to myself or others for me to keep my writing private, with the exception of sensitive subjects that common sense wouldn't allow for publishing. The main point, I'm here to do what is best for all, and sharing my process writing is best for all.

So, welcome back Dan!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to have a coherent progression within my Journey to Life blog, and to have used this desire as an excuse to not write on the most salient process points on the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to first write privately and only later transfer the writing into a blog. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist editing and publishing previously written material from my private computer journal. In addition to the resistance, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like it is 'cheating' to "plagiarize" myself and not just write new material directly into Blogger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the negative perception I had toward copying and pasting my own writing as an excuse to not post at all. In this, I realize that the uncertainty and non resolution of this point within myself was leading me into a mental stalemate, a confusion that I didn't sort out, I didn't find a solution, I suppressed it, subconsciously figuring that I'd address it sometime. Not cool. If I let my mind move me into such suppressions, the problem persists.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to write a perfect blog, and so create a resistance toward publishing until I've written a certain amount, found a picture, labeled the keywords, and crossed all the t's and dotted all the i's (as if that was a real problem these days)

If you haven't starting your writing process yet: lite.desteniiprocess.com

If you have, keep moving! :)

pic source