There's been a building pressure. A pressure to perform. A pressure to sound coherent, and integrated with all the information in my world. A perception of falling behind ensues. A few moments later, I'm stuck. Everything is ahead of me, and I can't catch up.
Since my last post, I've accumulated a handful of drafts. In time, I may post some of them, but that's the tricky part. I am placing too much faith in time to do the work for me. As if waiting was a key ingredient of creation. I know better than that.
What do I know? I know that writing, self-forgiveness and corrective application of myself is the killer combo of effectively walking process. My mind has come up with several ways to accomplish this without writing publicly. In fact, I have a whole slew of writing mediums, hand written, note apps, file folders, etc. The concerning fact is that I'm writing less and less, even with all the various mediums through which I write.
Sure, I can say I don't have enough time, but that's a tired excuse. Time is a funny thing. Thanks for the reminder Joao (referring to his post here).
What I am finding is that waiting and reacting to whatever comes my way is moving at a snails pace at best. I, as the impetus in my reality, have such potential to create significant outcomes. Ah, to be blinded by the mind. Ah, to shatter perceived reality with a single breath.
Participate, generate, utilize time to it's highest potential, and so live mine.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgment of anyone who may read my posts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear - moving myself further and further away from the physical living participation here in this blog.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not cross reference myself with physical reality - where I allow myself to spend lots of time thinking, sleeping, goofing around, preparing, stagnating, AND THEN feel guilty about it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and feel guilty about my lack of participation in the context of physical creation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel weak in my physical body, to feel pain in my physical body that prevents me from sitting with proper posture while I type at the computer.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the self-sabotage going on here within my decision process that is based on justifications and mental processed that I have accepted and allowed. When and as I see these processed in real-time, I commit myself to speaking the self-forgiveness aloud, and writing a post.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about posting 2 of these blog posts in 1 day (morality), and so feel a need to wait until the next day, and then allow myself to get lost in time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I don't have enough time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not using my time wisely.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to have all of my time organized very effectively so that I get the most out of every day, and in this desire, separate myself from the practical living application of the steps that I can take today contribute to this goal.
I commit myself to rise each day and take a deep breath.
I commit myself to embody the resolve to direct myself into the creation of my day, instead of allowing myself to follow just whatever comes up in my mind.
I commit myself to taking full responsibility for each and every moment - each and every movement.
I commit myself to stop judging myself when and as I see myself anywhere near self-pity. I commit myself to utilizing this emotion to cross reference my standing and participation in this physical reality.
I commit myself to sharing my process more frequently, here in my journey to life blog.
I commit myself to stop judging myself before I've even created a post, and so I commit myself to stop getting stuck in time because of justified fears that I am still allowing.
When and as these fears come up, I commit myself to speaking the real-time forgiveness, align the correction, and then blog about it. After the point has been corrected multiple times and I am living the correction clearly, I commit myself to post and update.
I'm done dilly-dallying. Process is serious. I am serious about process. I commit myself to stand and walk in the physical. I commit myself to end the reign of mind that's had me for most of my life. However long it takes, I'll stand up over and over again.
Time - Tie Me - I'm tied to time, and thus defined by my physical expression throughout time. Who am I?
I commit myself to show myself, and all, exactly who I am.