I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am being productive by getting my procrastination out of the way first :)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to remain physically inert, as I give my directive principle of my body over to the mind, wherein the mind as me decides to take the easy way and produce nothing of value in the physical world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain inert for an extended period of time, allowing the mind to drag me deeper and deeper into a reactive psychological state where I only respond to my environment with what is necessary for my survival. In this, I note that my survival also extends to the survival of my ego (what others think of me), though this image maintenance is functioning at a bare minimum, just enough to avoid serious consequences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take the passenger seat in the car that is my life.
I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to really assert myself, trust myself, be the directive principle of my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear an outcome for which I am responsible.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it best to skate through life, relatively unnoticed, so that I can avoid potential negative judgement from others.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to define who I think I am, based on how I think others think of me. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others, and perpetuate this system of separation and judgment within me in multiple ways.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to how others might judge me by remaining as I am, inert, safe.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect inaction to safety within a positive relationship, where I seek safety, and so I seek inaction. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand this design of layered motivation that allows me to hide personality aspects from my perception. This alone is a solid reason to write the mind out.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dig deeper into the rut of inaction, feeding the mind, strengthening the mind, giving into it, giving it my power; and for a moment, perceiving myself to be less than the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this feeling of compulsory procrastination (resistance energy) to manifest through my mind and into my daily living without questioning it, or who I am within it.
When and as I see myself sitting around the house and not doing anything productive, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have abdicated my responsibility to direct myself in reality in alignment with what is best. I commit myself to snapping out of it by taking a breath, recognizing the energy for what it is, and asking myself if this is really who I want to be: a slave to the mind.
When and as I see myself arguing for my limitations, I stop I breathe. I ask myself: Who am I deciding to be in this moment? Why? Taking into consideration that the feeling that I have to procrastinate is just a programmed mental reaction that I have accepted and allowed over many years to be my directive principle, is this really what I want to define me?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand why delaying my process of standing up and becoming the directive principle of my life is not okay. In the very act of postponement, I give life to the system, I feed that program in the mind, I validate it, I contribute, support and strengthen the feeling/emotion within and behind it. I no longer accept and allow myself to continue to sabotage my process of self-change by giving in to my feeling/emotion reactions of delay.
When and as I see myself resisting the self-directive choice, and would rather prefer to give in to the mind, I stop in that moment, pause, lay down in my bed if that's what it takes, I breathe and stabilize the body by releasing that energy. From within the breath I look at my options. I realize my responsibility to direct the situation. I commit myself to direct myself within a practical consideration of what is best to do for myself and ultimately all. Currently, this mostly consists of walking this process and becoming an effective leader of my own life first. If I can't help me, I won't be any help to others.
When and as I see myself motivated to do what is best, I stop I breathe. I realize that acting within this positive energy of motivation is limited, and for this experience to exist the opposite must also exist, as per the law of polarity. I commit myself to give this motivated energy back to my body, breathe, and direct myself in alignment with the same goal, just without the energy as directive principle, but instead, myself.
Good for now. Reread this tomorrow and check the alignments. Reread this in a week, and write out which alignments didn't stick and why.
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