Day 461 - A friend, twisting my arm

I am stupid.

I have been only deepening my possession in the mind by not writing my blog.

A dear friend, stubbornly lead me to this blank blogger page, after I childishly said "no" ~7 times, he warned me that he we would give up if I said no once more. My tricky, yet effective friend.

I asked him, "ok, now what do I write?"

"I am stupid."

And the ball was rolling. I wrote the second line all on my own, and promised to keep writing.

He kindly reminded me "Self-Trust is based on following through on the promises I make," and we ended the 2-hr call so I could finish the long-overdue post.

I had to wade through so much resistance, it is comical that this effort was successful. I couldn't see it coming. It wasn't self-initiated, which is one of the main reasons I justified the resistance. For if I was not the starting point, then the whole thing must be invalid. It's nuts how effective my self-created excuses can be!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold a strict definition of what the acceptable parameters are for me to create a blog post.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop and nurture my mind, as the excuses and justifications for why I need to limit my expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must be consistent with my writing process, and if I am not, then I should not write at all - and through this belief, sabotage my writing efforts because even just doing one post feels like a MAJOR commitment, as if writing one post means I have to write all the posts in my future too.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project myself into the future, and create a feeling relationship of BURDEN if I am to uphold the vision I have of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to operate as this ego-projection, and sabotage my efforts in the moment by thinking that I must commit to something that I do not believe I can do, because I have not done it in my past.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that I am HEAVILY participating in EGO by seeing myself as my past and my future, and completely missing me, here, in the moment.

I stop. I breathe.

I commit myself to the recognition that all I have of myself that is real, is here, in the moment.

I commit myself to remembering that the feeling of insecurity arising from my past, and the feeling of greatness I project into my future, is all BS ego play. I stop. I breathe.

I commit myself to opening up my blog when I have something to write.

I commit myself to writing on other platforms when those moments arise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I should be writing on a different platform, to expand my reach and readership - and within this, create conflict that leads to further justifying and bolstering my resistance to writing here.

I commit myself to not fear writing here.

I commit myself to not fear writing there.

I commit myself to not fear wasting my time writing in one spot or the other.

I commit myself to writing in many places.

I commit myself to continue walking my Journey To Life Blog, for me and for all to see.

Thanks buddy.

Day 460 - Hidden Backdoors 1

Dimensional assistance:
for tomorrow: really DIGGING IN to the excuses, reasons/justifications that come up - even if you feel you have transcended some, do see if there are any HIDDEN BACKDOORS preventing you from pursuing ideas, dreams, creative expressions that has come up inside yourself


My hidden backdoors:
I'm not good enough. There's always someone better, so it's futile to aim for full acceptance love and support, but my ego self-concept is dearly interested in maintaining this perspective of myself, and so I dare not risk my reputation by standing for life. F*** that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prefer standing with my ego, and reject most risks, not allowing myself to be vulnerable, and so not stepping into my personal point of power and responsibility as a human on this earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand my potential, and its relationship to my responsibility to manifest it, wherein what I most want in life, beyond anything else, without a shadow of a doubt, is to live my utmost potential in this lifetime; thus, my responsibility is towards myself, and how much I really want, what I most want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project responsibility as something coming from outside of me, telling me what to do, how to be, or how to live; reacting by creating a rebellious character to fight for MY way, MY perspective, MY independence; and for not taking a breath, taking a moment, and tracing the line of logic within responsibility back to myself, with my best interests in heart, for self and all.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take the risks of simply expressing myself, and sharing it with as many as I can. To withhold my expression from others, is a damn shame, because I get the most enjoyment when tuning in and vibing with others.

I commit myself to posting this blog.

I commit myself to stop giving myself a never ending dose of excuses, just to protect my fragile big ego.

I commit myself to take a stand, and come what may, I stand, because my foundation in principled living is strong and unwavering.

I commit myself to the principle of doing what is best for all.

I commit myself to refining and fine tuning my expression of doing what's best for all, so that my personal, daily, habitual living patterns, are equally considered in this equation.

I commit myself to walking the hard path, being honest with myself, and letting go of what used to serve me, so I can adopt new living words and ways of being that better serve what is best for myself and others, equal and one.


Day 460 / 2555