Day 442 - Speak up, son!

To be a man. To be seen as a man. To hold my body as a man. To sound like a man!

This is but one way I've oriented myself, through the backchat comparison of Self to Man.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as 'less than' those who hold themselves in this confident, present voice - one that I have not seen in me for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself and my vocal expression to others firstly, trying to shape my expression in a safe and specific way, so as to hide myself, for I do not want to be judged for my authentic, self expression.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prefer the 'safety' of projecting characters of me out in the world, instead of allowing myself, within/through Self-Acceptance, just be, and express me naturally, simply.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself within and through AMBITION, not seeing realizing or understanding the significance of my starting point being rooted in fear, inferiority.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see myself as ACCEPTED, by all and by me -- and to ride the wave of awareness and focus as I drive me into perfect, verbal expression.

When and as I see myself getting in a head spin about not wanting to talk or speak up, because I "can't find my words" - I see and understand that there is resistance to self-honesty for one fear/reason or another.

I commit myself to slow down and get self-honest.

I commit myself to show myself that I do want to go there.

I commit myself to show COURAGE in my stand.

When and as I see myself perceiving myself as in-fear-ior to another person, I stop, I breathe. I realize my equality as 1, just as they are 1, too. I commit myself to speak with confidence, knowing what I want to say before & as I start flapping vocal chords..

I commit myself to seeing me as 1, and equal.

I commit myself to voicing myself with integrity, utilizing my body to place specific ripples into motion, bring life to words and words to life.

I commit myself to trust myself through this process.

I commit myself to stop hesitating when the Self-judger backchat starts to speak up - and to rather move into my body, find the words, and engage in co-created presence.

One.
Word.
At.
A.
Time.

OWAAT



And a sneak peak for next time:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am inherently inferior to others to speak sense effortlessly, and seem to already have social approval/recognition - something I can only ever hope for because I perceive others to have the power of assigning acceptance to me...

--

Check out process, lots happening!

Day 441 - Reboot Writer Character

Option A) Let shame compound and drive me further into the ground.


Option B) Just start writing.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a million and one expectations for myself as a writer, and shut myself down before I begin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disconnect writing as a solution, even though I have seen how effective this practice is in creating stability in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself feel unworthy of your attention, unless I perform to a high-standard and expectation that I create for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create high expectations for myself out of fear that I will be judged as insignificant otherwise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand, IT IS ONLY ME that has me caught up in a loop of self-critical stagnation.

I commit myself to stop postponing the inevitable, and start taking responsibility for what I am creating of myself in my life.

I commit myself to stop blaming external factors for why I write, support myself, or not.

I commit myself to reinstate writing as a immediate, accessible process at my disposal each and every day.

I commit myself to NOT turn writing into a big thing, and then give up when I see that my expectations of myself and reality don't line up.

I commit myself to make myself a writer by taking small steps to write daily, here on Blogger, soon on Steem, and/or in my private journal(s).

I commit myself to attaining success, in process and in life, one small, action at a time.


I'm going to explore an interesting character dimension in upcoming posts: of not feeling worthy of being seen or heard in the world, and so silencing myself and not participating, when in reality, I could surely have participated and contributed in a significant and meaningful way. #WorthinessWeek