Day 379 - Why Do I Blog?
I'm an investigator of the Self. I am not pretending to know what the Self is. My purpose for writing here is to find out, while simultaneously sharing with you. This process of self-discovery through writing investigation is a bit awkward at first because I've been trained in school to write with a certain voice. I see myself often still writing while thinking about how others might think about my self-expression through words. This is continuing to feed the flame of my ego. Alternatively, I write with SELF as the starting point of reference.
"Who am I within this topic?" is the starting point from which I must align my writing. Why? Because this is authentically self-support. No lies, agendas, deceit, or framing that is meant to pull a 'quick one' on you. So if you're reading this with an active mind chatter, looking for the holes in my story to discredit my entire person, you may just find it. My goal from now on is to double and triple check my starting point within my writing so that I can be sure that I am considering myself first within supporting myself through my self-expression. Lucky for you, you can read about it. It's best this way because it would be more selfish to hoard my self-investigation in some random folder on my computer.
Join me in an alignment process of SELF-forgiveness and commitment statements, and in future blogs I will continue to consciously practice this point until it is stable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a need to write with a certain style so that I could please my readers, and in this not see, realize, or understand how I'm compromising my process.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize when and as I am writing for others instead of for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that others matter more in this process, and in that place my self-importance in the background.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think "others must hear this message and understand it and apply it, and if I can just get 2 or more people to see, realize, understand, and apply themselves within this journey to life, then I don't have to."
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand front and center in my own process.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to face this point directly to see how I am compromising myself by writing within ego (desire for + attention / fear of - attention), and take responsibility for this point by stopping.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I'm only just a breath away from realigning my starting point when and as I see myself writing within ego.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and defend my ego-stance within writing by claiming that others need to hear, and others will only listen if I write to and for them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself in thinking that others can do it better, wherein I am abdicating taking responsibility for myself to be effective and clear within this process for myself as well as others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to arrogantly believe I already understand a point that I've been exposed to and thus believe that I do not need to walk the point through self-forgiveness and corrective application.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see or distinguish when I am existing within knowledge/information only in relation to a single point, OR when I have completely understood and defined who I am in relation to a single point.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to push through this resistance of releasing old habits/perceptions and defining new ones. This process will be lengthy, as I have already heavily defined 'who I am' in relation to this world and everyone in it. This egocentric 'who I am' now needs to be released and redefined within awareness. I create.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take ownership over 'who I am' as who I have created myself to be.
I commit myself to now take full responsibility for myself as 'who I am' as who I have become, and in the creation process of who I am to become.
When and as I see myself wanting to write in a way so that I am liked by others, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am in ego, overly concerned about how others will perceive my writing. I commit myself to breathe and bring myself back into a stability in my physical body, and continue writing for myself.
I know I have mentioned this point before multiple times, and I have yet to become stable within it. This indicates that there are more dimensions of it to discover.
I commit myself to continue to my investigation on this one specific point of ego-based writing.
I commit myself to continue pushing through any resistance toward facing this point and redefining it.
When and as I see myself in an energetic resistance toward finishing a blog post, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is only an energy experience that exists in the moments before physical application. I commit myself to the process of recognizing resistance energy for what it is, pushing through it, and applying myself effectively within a fresh starting point rooted in a breath.
When and as I see myself writing to be perceived or recognized positively, I stop I breathe. I realize that this starting point is not self-supportive. I commit myself to really check myself and see if I am writing in a voice that is special tailored in consideration of the reader before I consider myself within my writing.
When and as I see myself thinking that I am not good enough to stand and lead this process for myself and other, I stop, I breathe. I realize that if I don't stand, how can I trust anyone else to? I commit myself to giving 100% of my effort in understanding who I have become and redirecting who I am to be. I commit myself to stabilizing myself within a clear starting point of blogging and behaving within Self-Support so that I may support others effectively and enjoy my life!
More on this to come...until it is done.