I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become excited about being fortunate and afforded the opportunity to participate in this sleep study, and within this, for accepting and allowing myself to attribute this excitement to my ego in making it personal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself hold value in and create value in my circumstances which affect me in a positive way, especially when others do not have the same experience. In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thrive within myself in separation as ego when others are or become jealous of me, my situation, or circumstance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and believe myself to be inferior and/or at a disadvantage to others around me, and so make attempts to position myself as superior or special by way of fortunate circumstance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about myself as life, as my breath, and as my physical body, through which I only yearn for what is best for all, and as such, interact only in ways which are most supportive for each individuals with whom I come in contact.
I commit myself to stop attributing good fortune to myself personally.
I commit myself to stop believing that I am special because of my fortunate experiences.
I commit myself to humble myself when provided for by circumstances within and throughout my life.
I commit myself to accept and allow myself to take full responsibility for the circumstances in my life, which I create through my decisions.
On that note,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that all my circumstances are by way of my decisions, and that this implies that I am never separate from the responsibility of creating my world and the fortunate or unfortunate experiences and circumstances in my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the fortunes that I experience in my life - and then use it, as ego, to define myself in separation of others - and from here believing that I am special or greater than others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am not special or destined for greatness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately poise myself as special and greater than others to try to convince myself and others that I am great and destined for greatness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to compensate my fears by forcing the illusion of the polar opposite within my mind and in my outside world to attempt reaffirm the illusion and self-deception I have within.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to conceal fear through intensionally creating external consequences for the sole purpose of strengthening the illusion of the opposite of the fear that I've created within and am still holding on to.
When and as I see myself strengthening my stance of ego when interacting with another, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I do this because I am adding a layer of protection to a fear or insecurity that I have been holding onto for most of my life. I commit myself to stop protecting my fears by trying to fight, force, and advocate for the polar opposite of a specific fear in a rash attempt to prove to myself that I am not this fear.
I commit myself to track down the fear that I was trying to dismantle through polarized energy, and open the point up in writing so as not to allow my mind to be the principal director of this fear removal process.
I commit myself to walk the self forgiveness process in writing to delete the power that I have given to a specific fear to the best of my ability at my current perspective in my process.
...damn, and here's the point that's largely held me back from blogging:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my process writing is not acceptable as perfection, and through this allow my inner critic to project a moment of self-judgment into the future - in this not realizing this as the purely self-sabotaging system of mind that this is - and choose to rather not write, so that I may continue to protect the fear that I am not walking my process effectively...and in this, not seeing or realizing how this fear is manifesting itself, nor understanding the impact of this in the bigger picture.
It is time.
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