A little backstory before opening up this character:
While working through level 10 of my vocabulary building program, I came across the word infer, and slowed down to read all the definitions for it because I have long had trouble distinguishing between inference and deduction. This lead to a journey of understanding, aided by the internet and, well, Yahoo Answers. Reading through all the contributions from others, I was definitely starting to refine the boundaries of these two words for myself. Below is one of the more poorly rated answers, but I resonated with it. I thought was a really effective expression of her understanding. Then I expanded the 1 comment, read it, and went through a semi-heavy reaction as I closed the page in disgust of the nasty meanness of humanity online.
I reopened the tab to investigate what this reaction was. Rereading this, O_hutch may have been simply saying that it was funny, and not in a derogatory way. Regardless, my interpretation/reaction of the situation, was such, as to reflect my own nature; and so, I walk the necessary self-forgiveness, take responsibility for my contribution to this uncool aspect of our world/internet culture.
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my own and others' words.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to polarize my understanding of the importance of clear understanding of individual vocabulary words, and create a positive experience attached to perfect word choice and execution, and a negative experience/judgment of fumbling my words, incorrect word use, nonsense - and within allowing my mind to polarize and energize this point, I now see, realize and understand that I am absolutely sabotaging an awesome potential to support myself and those around me, putting my understanding of vocabulary to its best use.
Scenarios:
- Listen for the definition mismatch when listening to others. This is accomplished by attentively listening to the whole of the other person to get their context and how it influences their understanding/use of particular words, and then comparing and contrasting it to my understanding. Additional cross referencing is often required, as my contextual associations with my words could just as well be misaligned.
- Use my Vocabulary Builder everyday. This is most clearly an expression of putting my understanding of vocabulary to its best use.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my definitions and understandings of words are more clear, more refined, more accurate, and thus judge myself as superior to all around me (straight up ego design), and TOTALLY MISS how others choose their words according to their own understandings of them! It's kind of a..."duh" thing, but this also shows me how stupid and compromising it can be when I let my ego steer my perception.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to listen to others superficially and from the narrow vantage point of my current understanding, reactively ready to pounce on/judge others when they speak/write with any word-definition discrepancies to my own; instead of (correction) leveling with others and working to understand why/how they use their words to convey meaning, and resolve discrepancies.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be fast and rush through information, and be the first person to correctly interpret what someone means, sometimes even before they finish speaking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat others as intellectual inferiors because of an inflated sense of having comprehensive understanding.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself and others within and through operating from a partial understanding, inflated to seem to me like a better or more accurate understanding. I commit myself to humble myself and see the honesty of me operating within and from a partial understanding.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust my own understandings, which are actually inferences that I've been making my whole life.
I commit myself to be humble and willing to reconsider everything (311, thanks again for this song)!
I commit myself to actively realizing that we all don't have the same positioning and reach within the English lexicon, and take responsibility for creating shared understanding within what is best for all.
I commit myself to apply active listening to cross reference my initial interpretations and understandings with other potential meanings, especially meanings relevant to the individual speaking. This requires a humbleness and slowing down. Patiently taking in more information than I would normally cruising through my life at mind-speed.
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It's a rather obtrusive personality program in my life, specifically in the realm of communication, which was my field of study in college. Damn, no matter how much I know, I really do need to humble myself and keep learning, all the time.
Bottom line: To have an inflated self-perception of mastery within understanding = not chill.
More to come on: listening, bullying, words, and my life experience. Thanks.
