Day 267 - Success and Failure pt.3

Continuing with:

Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success
Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1
Day 266 - Success and Failure pt.2

Yesterday, I ended pt.2 of this series with a commitment to begin making an application of breath a new habit when faced with resistance, and desirable distraction. What I haven't really taken into account is all of the step I need to take to establish this habit.

This is the basis of which I will achieve my success. With a plan. With diligence. With commitment to who I am in relation to work. As barriers come up, I work through them. No more wallowing in failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become discouraged when I fail. I commit myself to perceiving failure as opportunity for growth, and no longer allowing a spiral of negativity. In my past, I have been so good at suppressing the self-defeated, inadequacy, "I can't do it" character that I wouldn't even acknowledge it. Rather, I'd simply move into a distraction or diversion that would allow me to maintain an inner positivity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prioritize my own inner feeling in a single moment rather than considering how I would self-honestly feel about a situation while taking into everything into consideration. To procrastinate requires this dynamic. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to temporarily ignore the inevitable consequence of delaying work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how much more proficient I could be if I didn't delay even one task. Delaying one task, delays all tasks. Unless I agree with myself that the delay is warranted through having task 2 take priority over task 1, I need to stay focused on achievement. That yields success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delay achievement, not realizing the consequence of delaying my success. If this continues until I die, I will have failed.

So what I'm seeing now, is that delay leads to failure and could be considered one and the same. I commit myself to not become discouraged and spiral into delay.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how delay is a fail, especially when I don't get up and give my whole moment/hour/day away to a feeling-guided storm of 'unproductivity'.  I commit myself to stop this when and as I see myself in this behavior.

Before the behavior comes thoughts. I commit myself to flag point which thoughts occur when I move into delay so that I will be best able to walk my process effectively in dismantling those specific thoughts so my directive power lies within my breath. From here, I move effectively.

I commit myself to continue to with this point until I am a living, breathing example of self-direction in every moment. Enjoy.

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Day 266 - Success and Failure pt.2

Continuing with:

Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success
Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1

Yesterday I forgave myself for living within a projected dream reality of myself as successful. I had realized that I've been holding myself back from achieving success in the real, physical reality by existing in the glorious realm of ego and imagination. Furthermore, I'm now realizing how desire is a barrier to success. How? Why?

When I self-honestly take a look at what's behind the desire, I'm suppressing facing myself in reality. The uncomfortable nature of resisting facing reality becomes enough to cave and cascade into desirable distractions such as chowing down on some delicious candy pieces, grooving to music videos on youtube or playing cheap video games that call for my attention pretending to be something that matters. These two points could warrant their own blog posts, but what matters, what really counts here, is doing what it takes to change my behavior.

Being thorough with exploring my motivations really helps in the writing process. It opens up my ability to understand myself and really, I mean really, self-intimately, forgive myself for allowing myself to exist within and as such a program. At that point of release, I open a door for myself to change my behavior which is the whole point of process. The commitment statements are the forging of the new program that I am creating for myself, except this time, I'm not doing it as an automated reaction. This time, I am the directive principle creating myself in alignment with what is best for myself and all others, equal and one.

Today, I commit myself to ending the abuse of my time. I realize that I can take breaks and enjoy life, but to be irresponsible and suppress reality with abusive consumption is no longer accepted or allowed. This is my life and despite the resistance I experience toward doing hard work, I commit myself to drive myself through it all and live here, in the moment to moment awareness of life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize or understand the self-compromise and imminent consequence that accumulate through abdicating my responsibility to direct myself within the common sense of each moment in self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress who I am in relation to how I am spending my time through moving into distractions that are of fleeting enjoyment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to underestimate who I am within one breath, what I can accomplish within one breath, how I can change within one breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility of self-direction and give into the persuasive forces of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to empower the feeling of resistance through allowing it to expand and develop while I participate in it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am the creator of the resistance energy, and that if I allow it to direct me it, I've given myself to the resistance program. The program of resistance being a feeling of discomfort when facing certain moments of reality that I have told myself I don't like doing (i.e. working hard), followed by alleviating that discomfort through suppression/distraction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define 'hard work' within the parameters of the resistance program, when the reality is that I rather quite enjoy myself while working hard to achieve success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself through the design of resistance -> desirable distraction -> compounding consequence.

When and as I see myself moving into a time sink (distraction) with little to no consideration of time management, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am habitually allowing myself to suppress resistance to maintain a positive experience of self without investigating why I feel resistance in the first place. I commit myself to breathe through resistance, and to continually do this until this becomes the new habit.

...letting that one sink in...overnight

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Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1

In this mini blog series, I'm going to address what my barriers to success are by redefining my relationship to both words: SUCCESS and FAILURE. Yesterday I opened this up by uncovering how I've been living within two versions of success, one imagined and one real. Today, I'm going to expand on and get to the roots of my success character, mostly within the imagination dimension. If you haven't read my Day 264, give a quick look to the outline for reference here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine that I will be successful in the future without considering or having any regard for the practical steps that are required to achieve success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to inflate my ego and feel good about myself by living within the imagination of my future projected self. In this, I am not living here, I am not practically considering how to achieve greatness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine that I will be successful because I am special and lucky.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I will not have to work hard for a fortunate and successful life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from reality and live within the imagination of how great I am/will be. When reality hits, I've been pretty good about ignoring and suppressing my shortcomings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress reality of my living and emphasize the imagined greatness of myself - for in so doing, I have greatly compromised myself in being able to actually achieve success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize, after many, many timeloops, that procrastination does not lead to the success that I imagined and projected for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the extent of how I have been supported by my parent throughout my coming of age, such that I did not ever grasp the stark reality of life without a free source of money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to undervalue money because I wasn't working for it. I'll expand on this point when I break into my relationship with money later on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize the law of attraction to gain what I desired without effort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that law of attraction works without consequence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe my hopes and dreams were already a part of my destiny, requiring no real effort, instead of planning how I can practically create myself in alignment with my vision of success.

When and as I see myself as a successful person in the future, I stop I breathe. I realize that's not who I am. I commit myself to stay here and focus on the small successes of the moment, that which is practically attainable.

When and as I see myself trying to achieve an imagined success without considering the details within it, I stop I breathe. I realize that by living in the mind, it's easy to get excited about what I conjure up in my imagination. I commit myself to assess the details of my pursuits of achievement/success so I can understand what is required in space and time to make it happen.

Okay, lots still to go. Thanks for reading. Catch ya tomorrow!

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Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success

Best way I can think to expand this point is through a bulleted list:

Projected Success

• Internalized from an imagination source starting point
• strong affect on ego / self-image
• feels real
• complete separation from reality
• Hoped for
• reliance on others / external forces (i.e. "the universe")
• self-responsibility & work ethic are compromised

Success

• Diligence
• meticulous
• planned + follow through
• hard work
• Real time, practical application.
• defined within the context of reality; measurable
• Integrity is upheld
• absolutely necessary

Maybe I could go on, but for now I feel comfortable with this outline. It depicts the general point that I am struggling with. For most of my life, I've live in my head. My future projected self was fortunate and successful. "Why would I work hard if I could just maintain that!?" Because I now see realize and understand that it's not practical. I'm not going to achieve this perfect version of self by sitting on my ass thinking about it.

Now that I'm in the real world (a.k.a. out of school) and walking my process within the daily JTL blogging and Desteni I Process, I simply cannot take the shortcuts anymore. I was able to justify it in school because I placed school as something imposed on me by external forces, and I didn't feel bad about cheating the system to get ahead. Now, I find that cheating myself just doesn't work, because why would I even try if I'm not going to be for real. I am directly affected by my work ethic. Integrity is key.

I'm going to take my time with this point. There is more going on here than I can effectively work with in one post. Slow down, break it up into measurable, lived success. See, I'm getting it! :)

Join me tomorrow for a continued expansion through self-forgiveness.

Day 263 - The Achievement Collector

This is an interesting perspective I've narrowed down within me.  A personality design, a character that comes out in many of life's scenarios. It's so deeply rooted that I can't remember for how long I've been this way, so it might take awhile before I can effectively address the entire system. I breathe, I walk.

The achievement collector is how I'm going to label this personality/drive that I've discovered. This is what it is to me:

• a way to become better & more powerful, to ultimately "save the world"/become famous
• climbing the ladder seemed like the best option for myself
• validation in and of my externalized self-definition
• do hard work now -> achievement; then take it easy and just ride the achievement
• as capital: achievement viewed as inherently valuable
• Competition, rush to gain as much achievement as I can to be safe & secure
• competing with the "general other"

OK, so with these above points, I can see how my starting point within achievement is skewed  and tainted by self-interest. Achievement has nothing inherently wrong in it. I'm not trying to stop achieving things. I'm investigating my motivations to achieve, and gather accomplishments like a commodity that increases my self-worth. That's not cool. My self-worth is defined as the life that I am, not the ego/externalized self-definition/others' judgments of me. I must realign who I am within seeking achievement to fulfill my potential and not succumb to creating myself through how I believe others want me to be or expect me to be.

--

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my self-worth in separation of myself, such that I would define myself according to my accomplishments that were valid in the eyes of others as if that was all that really mattered. This is the primary reason and starting point for going to college and I ended p cheating myself out of getting the most I could have, had I been there for me and not for society's sake.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pursue achievement in relation to others. This point of comparison as means to validate my value has been seriously detrimental to myself and others within how I would orient myself in relationships, needing to be superior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define 'achievement' as being superior than others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place a value on achievement from an external perspective, where I would be able to eventually stop working when I accumulate enough achievement. This is like capitalism, work hard, have success, and retire on the work of yesterday.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to escape working hard by only working hard on things that I perceive will yield a residual benefit so I won't have to work hard. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to work hard, and not realize that this desire plays out, and that there is no escape from my internal reality. I commit myself to seeing all of who I am within, so that I may own it, and change myself as who I really am into an expression of life, not ego/mind.

I commit myself to exposing to myself the entirety of my personality constructs that I have built to serve my ego/externalized self-definitions.

When and as I see myself working toward an achievement so that others will positively define me, I stop I breathe. I bring myself back to myself and see how I am motivated to accomplish whatever it is within the context of myself and what is best for all. If I was only motivated by how I think others will judge me, I realize this is a fear-based starting point. I commit myself to check my starting point within my motivation toward accomplishment to see if I am acting within a root of fear or have I really considered the implications/effects of a particular achievement.

When and as I see that I have not considered who I am within the starting point of obtaining achievement, I stop I breathe. I realize that my past behavior has momentum, it's my personality. I commit myself to breathe and create myself within an alignment of what is best for all when working toward achieving something.

When and as I see myself acting to become better than, more than, or superior to others, I stop I breathe. I realize that achievement based in comparison and competition is not what is best for all, rather what is best for my self-image as who I am as an ego in separation of others. I commit myself to identifying where I am still attached to this idealized self-image that is my ego within my imagination based on how I think others perceive me. Through identifying my 'vices' related to desire for superiority, I commit myself to patiently walking self-forgiveness and corrective application until I no longer am drive to succeed by treading on others.

When and as I see that I have been working hard at something so that I can eventually stop working hard, I stop I breathe. I realize that this particular form of achievement desire is actually holding me back as my starting point is to 'not have to work hard.' I commit myself to hard work, for the rest of my life.

No shortcuts.

No easy living... 

Not until all may live easy.

Investigate equal money system where basic human rights are guaranteed to all, and LIFE is honored.