Day 442 - Speak up, son!

To be a man. To be seen as a man. To hold my body as a man. To sound like a man!

This is but one way I've oriented myself, through the backchat comparison of Self to Man.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as 'less than' those who hold themselves in this confident, present voice - one that I have not seen in me for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself and my vocal expression to others firstly, trying to shape my expression in a safe and specific way, so as to hide myself, for I do not want to be judged for my authentic, self expression.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prefer the 'safety' of projecting characters of me out in the world, instead of allowing myself, within/through Self-Acceptance, just be, and express me naturally, simply.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself within and through AMBITION, not seeing realizing or understanding the significance of my starting point being rooted in fear, inferiority.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see myself as ACCEPTED, by all and by me -- and to ride the wave of awareness and focus as I drive me into perfect, verbal expression.

When and as I see myself getting in a head spin about not wanting to talk or speak up, because I "can't find my words" - I see and understand that there is resistance to self-honesty for one fear/reason or another.

I commit myself to slow down and get self-honest.

I commit myself to show myself that I do want to go there.

I commit myself to show COURAGE in my stand.

When and as I see myself perceiving myself as in-fear-ior to another person, I stop, I breathe. I realize my equality as 1, just as they are 1, too. I commit myself to speak with confidence, knowing what I want to say before & as I start flapping vocal chords..

I commit myself to seeing me as 1, and equal.

I commit myself to voicing myself with integrity, utilizing my body to place specific ripples into motion, bring life to words and words to life.

I commit myself to trust myself through this process.

I commit myself to stop hesitating when the Self-judger backchat starts to speak up - and to rather move into my body, find the words, and engage in co-created presence.

One.
Word.
At.
A.
Time.

OWAAT



And a sneak peak for next time:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am inherently inferior to others to speak sense effortlessly, and seem to already have social approval/recognition - something I can only ever hope for because I perceive others to have the power of assigning acceptance to me...

--

Check out process, lots happening!

Day 340 - A Fall in Writing Commitment

Why have I been justifying the reduction of my direct writing of this blog? I have been "too" busy because of external factors that I am apparently a victim of, and within that I am showing myself that I do not yet understand my responsibility to direct myself within my external environment.

Another justification is that my decision to write a post or not has ramifications for solely myself. That I will only be delaying my process by 1 day..maybe 2, or 6. I've found by skipping a day, I have a much easier time skipping the next as well. Now, I've heard I'm not alone in my own little world inside my head, but I realize what that means. It's like I've been considering only what directly affect me or my self-concept and THEN NOT REALIZING IT. How is this possible? The feeling. It feels good, like a successfulness energy reward in the head.

This means that I've been walking my process according to how I feel. This is not an effective starting point because it is not stable for one, and for two, it's self-interest within a limited contextual framework of personal memories. It's a rather peculiar thing to realize myself as ego, as the 'I' that has formed relationships to a limited set of experiences that constitutes who 'I' am. This limited self-definition as a starting point for all my social interaction and self-movement is highly ineffective.

I realize now, there is an important thing to consider: Acting according to how I feel without investigating the reasoning, without checking the physical reality context, I am dooming myself to a fate of a reactive state.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge in a mental state of 'all that matters is me' not realizing my standing up in the context of all life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the meaning of what I am doing and who I am in relation to this Journey to Life process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not need to care about others within my process because all that matters is me and my relationship to myself. I've been investigating myself through my writing, and I ignorantly took a perspective that my motivation for doing this blog was for me alone, and that when others read my process, that they may benefit in their own isolated self process. There was a deliberate disconnect between my writing intent of self-support and the potential ripple effect of supporting others. I knew it was there, but I realize my responsibility in the context of all equal as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to convince myself that my blog exists only for my benefit, and even though others may read it, I had separated myself from you the reader, not realizing how my existence is directly affecting you. This point was to protect my ego. To imagine that you are not significant, that the number of views or supporters that I get is just a number in a popularity contest, that IF I were to fail, I wouldn't have to take it personally.

So, interesting point that just opened up here. It's a big one and deserves additional attention. To take it personally within a context of social hierarchy. Basically, my starting point for my writing was: Will this advance or erode my social hierarchy position. And in this context, I've placed a failure to write quality blog posts in a reactive mental framework that protects me from taking it personally. It's like as I participate in this ego/self-definition polarity point, I aim for the positive, and mentally neutralize the negative to not have to take responsibility for my words unless I get positive feedback.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my participation within the Journey to Life group as personal endeavor only, by placing others in separation of myself to function as just a number or impersonal data to boost my ego within some mental game of wanting to win.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to win. Within this, I realize that it's not about winning. This is the old program that I placed in my mind when I defined and designed my relationship to 'success'. To reprogram myself into my updated version of 'success' that exists in alignment with what is best for all, I commit myself to continue deconstructing all of my old inner personality relationships to words, so that I may realign myself and my active living, my participation here as one and equal with all life to simply be what is best for everyone. I only have to give up my fears.

So, today I've unwrapped my relationship to blogging a bit more. I can tell that if I'm going to really walk this process, which is a decision I've already made, I'm going to have to actually live my written words. That is a critical aspect. A disconnect here will not produce the results that I expect from myself. I commit myself to realizing that this is a lived process where I take my words and live them, I investigate my past experiences and the relationship between them and self, to discover who I am as a limited expression of mind, to embody the living expression of self as life.

Enjoy the process.

Day 150 - Responsibility of the Future

As 2012 December 21st comes to pass, I am in the middle of determining my future. So, this post is not going to emphasize today's date as more significant than I make it. I realize that I am the creator of my conscious orientation to events like today, or really any over-spiritualized point. In fact, no special happening of 2012 will produce real change for us. I accept the responsibility for my future. Who I am then, is born today. And it's this realization that's going to carry me into the future.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delay the creation of my future within fear of loss.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and allow my mind to direct my use of time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I am one with my future, here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to break continuity of time by participating within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe my self to be great or special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing my destiny.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for myself as the creator of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to passively live life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be untrue to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from reality through pleasure seeking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize myself as a proactive solution.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize myself within each moment of breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not direct myself within each moment of breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand what I accept and allow.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be still/inert as I sit back and allow energy to direct me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire the "easy life."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse money to stay high and separate from reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how much responsibility I can take on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having too much responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate fear with power and responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fears.

When and as I see myself wasting time, I stop I breathe. I realize I am in an energy flow.

I commit myself to re-aligning my actions with common sense and what's best for all.

When and as I see myself getting overwhelmed by my future, I stop I breathe.

I realize that this is not an effective, practical decision to direct myself within what's best for all.

I commit myself to participating in energy with awareness and agreement only.

When and as I realize that I am in an energy flow without my agreement, I stop I breathe.

I realize that here is a pattern/habit that I've programmed within me directly or by reaction-allowance.

I commit myself to deconstruct these patterns through writing and self-forgiveness so that I my birth a new rule of self within corrective living statements.

When and as I see myself afraid of the future, I stop  I breathe. I realize that I create this fear.

I commit myself to pushing through resistance and facing each source point of fear within me.

When and as I see myself missing the point of oneness and equality through abdicating my responsibility to producing real change for myself and others as me, I stop and take a breath. I realize I am you.

I commit myself to walking with you as an equal in supporting ALL toward the best possible outcome.

Thank you all.

Let's get together and produce real best for all outcomes. The world didn't end, so why not begin to make it an awesome place to be born for all life here?

Join us on the forums at desteni.org

Contribute to the global solution with your two cents at equalmoney.org

My Future is Your Future is Our Future. Become a global citizen.

Everyone's doing it!

Until peace for all, it's time to do work.