Day 448 - Courageous Vulnerably

There is a time for silence, and a time to speak up.

Walking that line can be a delicate walk of fear, being afraid to say the wrong thing, or to stake ourselves in words, only to be criticized from an angle we hadn't considered. Embarrassment.  I'm Bare Ass Ment. I'm meant to be bare ass, so what's the big whoop?

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that we're all in this this together, going through the same stuff, collectively and individually - and from within this understanding, humbly share what I have to share. The benefits of courageously expressing my experience of life and its inner workings are can be far reaching!

It's worth it for me to write this post, regardless of the measure of its impact on others, because the impact it is having on me = worth it! For me to take this moment, and slow down to a speed where I can confidently place words I want to stand by, publicly -- is a real test of conviction. (great word) It's not going to be perfect, but it builds and accumulates into a more and more fine tuned perspective and articulation of what's going on in me and in this world.

Regularly, courageously vulnerable

is an art form to be mastered! After witnessing several magnificently courageous beings spill their hearts at an open mic poetry night event, I was in beside myself, seeing myself in them, seeing myself in me, and like..."Whoa, I want to do that too!"

Challenge accepted, Self! If I can blog everyday, and I can take care of myself,  I can run a mile nonstop, and I can, I can, I can.... I can certainly stand up in front of a crowd and speak a few lines that really mean something for me. I care, and connecting with others to show and share how I care = is a pretty cool practice.

I commit myself to stepping in front of more people, challenging myself to share from that point of vulnerability that we can all relate with, and find my power.

I commit myself to, no matter how gloomy and/or fearful things get in my life, to always find my way back to center, back to breath, back to purpose, in its many forms. I stand for life equality and oneness. So what have I to show for my #protest to this delinquent reality we find ourselves in?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to channel my efforts into though-form only, and not actualize my efforts in a grounded, physical and real way. #consistency

At the end of a post, I re-read and edit what I have, once-over. And that's usually a piece of work I can confidently standby. Well, there's no editing IRL, so I consider this blog just practicing grounds. And it's cool because I find that people have a lot to say, but so do I -- so by releasing chunks of it here, I'm able to spend more time listening, and speaking only when fully clear and confident, rather than blabbering on about stuff I've half-processed in my head, many times already. Information can get loopy when it's not grounded in a practice or something alive!

So, thank you for being the public part of my Life Journey Journal. You support me to remember that I'm not just in my room alone on these fateful nights. I'm here with all of you.

Keep on, keeping on.

No matter where you are, take that breath and share your vulnerable self!

#PowerfulStuff

Day 442 - Speak up, son!

To be a man. To be seen as a man. To hold my body as a man. To sound like a man!

This is but one way I've oriented myself, through the backchat comparison of Self to Man.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as 'less than' those who hold themselves in this confident, present voice - one that I have not seen in me for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself and my vocal expression to others firstly, trying to shape my expression in a safe and specific way, so as to hide myself, for I do not want to be judged for my authentic, self expression.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prefer the 'safety' of projecting characters of me out in the world, instead of allowing myself, within/through Self-Acceptance, just be, and express me naturally, simply.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself within and through AMBITION, not seeing realizing or understanding the significance of my starting point being rooted in fear, inferiority.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see myself as ACCEPTED, by all and by me -- and to ride the wave of awareness and focus as I drive me into perfect, verbal expression.

When and as I see myself getting in a head spin about not wanting to talk or speak up, because I "can't find my words" - I see and understand that there is resistance to self-honesty for one fear/reason or another.

I commit myself to slow down and get self-honest.

I commit myself to show myself that I do want to go there.

I commit myself to show COURAGE in my stand.

When and as I see myself perceiving myself as in-fear-ior to another person, I stop, I breathe. I realize my equality as 1, just as they are 1, too. I commit myself to speak with confidence, knowing what I want to say before & as I start flapping vocal chords..

I commit myself to seeing me as 1, and equal.

I commit myself to voicing myself with integrity, utilizing my body to place specific ripples into motion, bring life to words and words to life.

I commit myself to trust myself through this process.

I commit myself to stop hesitating when the Self-judger backchat starts to speak up - and to rather move into my body, find the words, and engage in co-created presence.

One.
Word.
At.
A.
Time.

OWAAT



And a sneak peak for next time:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am inherently inferior to others to speak sense effortlessly, and seem to already have social approval/recognition - something I can only ever hope for because I perceive others to have the power of assigning acceptance to me...

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Check out process, lots happening!