Day 448 - Courageous Vulnerably

There is a time for silence, and a time to speak up.

Walking that line can be a delicate walk of fear, being afraid to say the wrong thing, or to stake ourselves in words, only to be criticized from an angle we hadn't considered. Embarrassment.  I'm Bare Ass Ment. I'm meant to be bare ass, so what's the big whoop?

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that we're all in this this together, going through the same stuff, collectively and individually - and from within this understanding, humbly share what I have to share. The benefits of courageously expressing my experience of life and its inner workings are can be far reaching!

It's worth it for me to write this post, regardless of the measure of its impact on others, because the impact it is having on me = worth it! For me to take this moment, and slow down to a speed where I can confidently place words I want to stand by, publicly -- is a real test of conviction. (great word) It's not going to be perfect, but it builds and accumulates into a more and more fine tuned perspective and articulation of what's going on in me and in this world.

Regularly, courageously vulnerable

is an art form to be mastered! After witnessing several magnificently courageous beings spill their hearts at an open mic poetry night event, I was in beside myself, seeing myself in them, seeing myself in me, and like..."Whoa, I want to do that too!"

Challenge accepted, Self! If I can blog everyday, and I can take care of myself,  I can run a mile nonstop, and I can, I can, I can.... I can certainly stand up in front of a crowd and speak a few lines that really mean something for me. I care, and connecting with others to show and share how I care = is a pretty cool practice.

I commit myself to stepping in front of more people, challenging myself to share from that point of vulnerability that we can all relate with, and find my power.

I commit myself to, no matter how gloomy and/or fearful things get in my life, to always find my way back to center, back to breath, back to purpose, in its many forms. I stand for life equality and oneness. So what have I to show for my #protest to this delinquent reality we find ourselves in?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to channel my efforts into though-form only, and not actualize my efforts in a grounded, physical and real way. #consistency

At the end of a post, I re-read and edit what I have, once-over. And that's usually a piece of work I can confidently standby. Well, there's no editing IRL, so I consider this blog just practicing grounds. And it's cool because I find that people have a lot to say, but so do I -- so by releasing chunks of it here, I'm able to spend more time listening, and speaking only when fully clear and confident, rather than blabbering on about stuff I've half-processed in my head, many times already. Information can get loopy when it's not grounded in a practice or something alive!

So, thank you for being the public part of my Life Journey Journal. You support me to remember that I'm not just in my room alone on these fateful nights. I'm here with all of you.

Keep on, keeping on.

No matter where you are, take that breath and share your vulnerable self!

#PowerfulStuff

Day 444 - Going Deeper

What was that?

This one, chill tab really enhanced my writing flow for this blog post!

Where was I?

How did I let myself stop writing for such a long time?

Fascinating, it is, to go deeper into what, why & how things have become they way they are in our lives.

Something cool I've realized in myself is that I have a lot to share. The uncool layer is that I was so wrapped up in my head about wanting to share in some ultra-specific, perfect way (and that's a deep hole!), that I would give way to simple resistances, such as "It can wait.." instead of pushing myself to be a better me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to share the gift of me, with me, and the rest of humanity. Unashamed. Raw. Humble. Whatever, just stop thinking about what/how others' care about my expression, prior to me just plainly & authentically being: me.

Who am I?

It's such a multidimensional question; and as such, it requires multiple answers. Let's take this one chunk at a time here, because I know there is a lot to who I am.

Prominently, I want to identify as a writer.....but today, it's more = "a writer, going through 'writer's block', for far long enough now."

But what's really going on, behind the scenes, that I'm using to justify such a long-standing act of limiting my own expression?

Today, I really wanted to keep this entry short, like the one prior, for ease of reading. Digestibility of my content, is one of my favorite criteria for publishing my works, and it's something of a gift, and a curse. I can either place myself in fear-paralysis that my expression will not be well understood, and build myself a "good enough" barrier that effectively bars my writing efforts; or I can simply take the principle into practice, work with improving my writing skills, expand the way in which I actively critique my writing, vs judging how I may be perceived from the stand point of others as the critics that I must impress. Done with that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to orient so severely to others' possible perceptions of me, that I have lost nearly all focus on driving my own divinity, as the authentic point of departure from my own breath. The me that isn't fucked with by the mind.

I commit myself to continue my journey to life, in writing, here for all to see. Maybe blogger, definitely steemit.com/@dan2all as I continue to work myself out of this lil slump I've been in. YouTube, I can't wait. I'm burning up wanting to share, stifled for way too long by only inner resistances. Fool.

I've worked on my writing and typing for YEARS...I am more than capable. Just need to see me and know that I can move in the ways I know I can move, and MOVE.

Can I write a blog every day this month?...of course I can. Who's going to stop me, but me and my own allowance of the mind's silly self-sabotage programming?! I've kinda been working myself into a corner, and I can't see many unknown variables at this point....I'm sure my mind could drum up something, naturally evolving in its self-preservation program, as it has, rising to the occasion to stop full life force flowin'.....but even this has gone on, and on, and on, and on...I'm starting to see the patters of patterns, and at this point, it seems I'd have to REALLLY want to hide, suppress, and give way to the mind, to keep choosing self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that, to any degree, I have accepted and allowed me to be dishonest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide/cover/suppress various truths of me from my awareness, so that I do not have to accept the responsibility of what it really is to be alive.

I commit myself to blog each day this month. To drop in to a breath and begin. As resistances or fears come up, rinse and repeat with that breath.

No need to pre-edit my expression with subconscious chatter of yesteryear. I commit myself to place myself in writing, with whatever judgements I or others have of me, self-acceptance, and from there, see how I can improve the conveyance of me, through this awesome new multi-dimensional communication medium, commonly known as....

(see you tomorrow;)