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| This one, chill tab really enhanced my writing flow for this blog post! |
Where was I?
How did I let myself stop writing for such a long time?
Fascinating, it is, to go deeper into what, why & how things have become they way they are in our lives.
Something cool I've realized in myself is that I have a lot to share. The uncool layer is that I was so wrapped up in my head about wanting to share in some ultra-specific, perfect way (and that's a deep hole!), that I would give way to simple resistances, such as "It can wait.." instead of pushing myself to be a better me.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to share the gift of me, with me, and the rest of humanity. Unashamed. Raw. Humble. Whatever, just stop thinking about what/how others' care about my expression, prior to me just plainly & authentically being: me.
Who am I?
It's such a multidimensional question; and as such, it requires multiple answers. Let's take this one chunk at a time here, because I know there is a lot to who I am.
Prominently, I want to identify as a writer.....but today, it's more = "a writer, going through 'writer's block', for far long enough now."
But what's really going on, behind the scenes, that I'm using to justify such a long-standing act of limiting my own expression?
Today, I really wanted to keep this entry short, like the one prior, for ease of reading. Digestibility of my content, is one of my favorite criteria for publishing my works, and it's something of a gift, and a curse. I can either place myself in fear-paralysis that my expression will not be well understood, and build myself a "good enough" barrier that effectively bars my writing efforts; or I can simply take the principle into practice, work with improving my writing skills, expand the way in which I actively critique my writing, vs judging how I may be perceived from the stand point of others as the critics that I must impress. Done with that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to orient so severely to others' possible perceptions of me, that I have lost nearly all focus on driving my own divinity, as the authentic point of departure from my own breath. The me that isn't fucked with by the mind.
I commit myself to continue my journey to life, in writing, here for all to see. Maybe blogger, definitely steemit.com/@dan2all as I continue to work myself out of this lil slump I've been in. YouTube, I can't wait. I'm burning up wanting to share, stifled for way too long by only inner resistances. Fool.
I've worked on my writing and typing for YEARS...I am more than capable. Just need to see me and know that I can move in the ways I know I can move, and MOVE.
Can I write a blog every day this month?...of course I can. Who's going to stop me, but me and my own allowance of the mind's silly self-sabotage programming?! I've kinda been working myself into a corner, and I can't see many unknown variables at this point....I'm sure my mind could drum up something, naturally evolving in its self-preservation program, as it has, rising to the occasion to stop full life force flowin'.....but even this has gone on, and on, and on, and on...I'm starting to see the patters of patterns, and at this point, it seems I'd have to REALLLY want to hide, suppress, and give way to the mind, to keep choosing self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that, to any degree, I have accepted and allowed me to be dishonest with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide/cover/suppress various truths of me from my awareness, so that I do not have to accept the responsibility of what it really is to be alive.
I commit myself to blog each day this month. To drop in to a breath and begin. As resistances or fears come up, rinse and repeat with that breath.
No need to pre-edit my expression with subconscious chatter of yesteryear. I commit myself to place myself in writing, with whatever judgements I or others have of me, self-acceptance, and from there, see how I can improve the conveyance of me, through this awesome new multi-dimensional communication medium, commonly known as....
(see you tomorrow;)
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