Day 271 - Success and Failure pt.7

Continuing with:
Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success
Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1 - Imagination Dimension of Success
Day 266 - Success and Failure pt.2 - Opening Resistance to Success
Day 267 - Success and Failure pt.3 - Spiraling Distraction
Day 268 - Success and Failure pt.4 - Components of Resistance
Day 269 - Success and Failure pt.5 - The Critical Moment
Day 270 - Success and Failure pt.6 - The Direction Question

How am I directing myself today? I am directing myself to write on self-direction and write Self-forgiveness on what I find today and found yesterday.

How have I been directing myself today? There multiple moments of self-direction. So how can I effectively address this question? Bullet List!

• The moments where I was directing myself
• Study DIP material
• time pressure within it
• The moments when I was just going with the flow
• Went for McDonalds breakfast
• craving something delicious
• reason to ride my bike
• Helping out around the house / yard work
• earning my keep; obvious priority
• Little time distractions

So what's going on here? What patterns can I hone in on and focus on? It's interesting how the only moments where I am pushing myself to be a director of myself is when the time pressure point is present. Other than that, I am functioning within obligation and desire / resistance to be self-responsible. Within that, I recognize that I am creating an illusion that I have nothing pressing, by ignoring all that I could be doing. This is the primary point of self-sabotage within the design of procrastination.

Now that I'm seeing how much goes into my procrastination system, I will patiently move through the layers. First to recap my understanding: I procrastinate because I neglect work that I could do that is not forced upon me either by others or my own externally positioned decision. It will be a process to bring myself back to the here moment where I simply work for me without an external motivation. I look forward to breaking this system down and rebuilding myself as a self-responsible productivity man man man!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define success as according to achievement of externally imposed missions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create internal motivation ONLY according to desire and positive feeling experiences, not realizing how I am limiting myself and compromising my responsibility to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can accomplish my journey to life within a particular time frame such that I create a feeling of rushedness and desire to move fast.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that desire to move fast will ultimately slow me down because without a stable starting point, I will not create stability.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to practice becoming stable within myself when and as I direct myself within accomplishment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to bring my past track record of moment to moment awareness and responsibility into mind and use it as an elusive and vague excuse to not remember my breath.

When and as I see myself waiting for an external point of motivation, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am holding myself back from achieving success for myself in every moment that I choose the desirable distraction over self-responsibility. I commit myself to take responsibility for each moment that I choose to delay what I could be doing. In this, I commit myself to investigate why I gave into a particular distraction program within delay.

I realize that delay / procrastination is an umbrella system, not to be decoded with one fell swoop. Same with my nail biting habit. It's not the habit itself that needs to be addressed. It's the internally structured, energetic experience pattern behind it that I need to hone in on and take responsibility for stopping. I keep delaying that point because the anxiety system seems bigger than me....crazy. I need to get back to that, soon.

When and as I see myself wanting to move fast through a point, I stop I breathe. I realize that there is a significant difference between desire to accomplish more faster, and a stable application of myself that is effective, consistent and reliable. I commit myself to the restructuring of my internal motivation sources, slowly, and first by deconstructing the existing self-interest that really isn't serving what's BEST for me. What is best for me is also best for all.

When and as I see myself moving from a point of instability with regards to being productive or doing hard work, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am not practicing a sustainable solution. I commit myself to stop looking at the keys on my keyboard so that I will ultimately type faster than if I keep cheating by looking, for example. I'll post more on this point as well. So many points. Point, point, point.

I commit myself to really be serious about understanding what is going on inside of me when I abdicate self-responsibility. What system is at play? When did I start doing this? Regret? Shame? Doubt? I commit myself to keep digging. No excuses for not taking responsibility for myself. Investigate.

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Day 174 - No more New Year's Resolutions

"Don't let change get date raped" - Matti Freeman

New Year's Re-Solution : Recycled Solution...

English: New Year's Resolutions postcard (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It's easy to forget that we committed to change so long ago (15 whole days!!)

This is a really interesting post for me. When I started this new year, I made 2 reasonable new year's resolutions: Be a more effective planner and, at some point, stop biting my nails. I didn't see the harm in utilizing a year change to motivate myself to change.

I have come to realize how by doing this, I compromise myself within change by pinning it to a particular date/time outside of myself, here.

This is a key.

Basically, if I change within the year's change, I am not only requiring an external definition for self-change, I'm also hindering my ability to change at ANY given moment.

This random free-use picture is nicely illustrating the perspective of someone ineffective, not armed with self-forgiveness, nor the awesome support offered by the Desteni group. Support yourself by investigating to understand real self-change and not end up asking: "What more can a poor man do?"

How about stop pretending to be a poor man and stand up for yourself by living real self-change absolutely!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to change myself by depending on an externalized point, such as a new year, instead of realizing myself as the directive principle of self-change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the start of a new year can help me change, not realizing that only I can help me change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the the moment of change exists in each moment of applying that change, not just one moment in the past/future.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt my ability to change within one breath, every breath, as me standing up inside myself within breath always.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dis-empower myself through the design of hope, in that this year or this time, I will make a change because last time/last year, I wasn't able to.

When and as I see myself placing value within an something external to aid me in changing myself, I stop I breathe. I realize that true self-change happens inside myself and results in an everlasting agreement with myself. I commit myself to continue to acquaint myself with absolute change, where real, internal commitments with self stand eternally.

I commit myself to eternally standing within the principle of oneness and equality such that I will walk process until it is done, and then continue to assist and support all as me in realizing Self.

When and as I see myself inclined to make a new year's resolution with the rest of the people in my environment, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is a moment of separation where I am placing the responsibility of change, at least in part, separate from me by giving it to the new year. I commit myself to investigating why I haven't already made the self-change in question. I commit myself to writing out the pattern of the desired self-change so that I can walk within real self-change absolutely.

When and as I see myself doubting that I can make a change in one moment of one breath that stands absolutely in all moments within every breath, I stop I breathe. Here, I realize my direct responsibility for myself and what I've accepted and allowed myself to become. I commit myself to not shy away from my acceptances and allowances, breathe, and direct myself in alignment with what's best for all life, no longer allowing the energy to direct me.

I commit myself to showing others that the process of self-perfection is real & possible. That no solution to our real problems can be due to the change of a calendar date. That we are all individually responsible to stand absolute in self-change made within, as and for self. I commit myself to exemplify this process of self-change for all.

Thanks, you're welcome, and to all a goodnight.

Day 161 - The 5 P's to Shape the New Year

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"So big plans for 2013?" I asked, while sipping on some coffee just after our family New Year's Day breakfast.

My dad quickly responds, "Well, you know what the five P's are, don't ya?"

Now, I've heard this bit of wisdom several times in my life, but this time, with a smile on his face and his hand held out, decides to quiz me. I stumble a little, but I end up saying it:

Planning

Prevents

Piss

Poor

Performance

And for the first time, I really resonate with it. Maybe it's because I had to recall it myself, but regardless, at this point my father has successfully instilled it in me. Now, it's up to me to do something with it. And that's just what I intend to do.

I've already been working with the point of delay, and there is still more to clear. I don't want to delay the onset of my life's work in this new year. Today, I have observed myself wallowing in the familiar pattern of delay that ensues when I have an overwhelming amount of work I'd like to be doing. It has become apparent that my lack of planning is contributing to my piss poor performance.

Thanks for the wisdom Dad.

SF and living commitment statements to follow tomorrow.