Day 347 - Disjointed Daily Blogging

Ok, I breathe, and I write here.

I'm now walking through this specific point of resisting writing: I have one idea of what I had been intending to write, and then the moment passes, new stuff comes up, and I want to write about the new point, but the looming previous writing topic is saying, "No Dan, write about me first! You said you would." Haha.

And so what do I do? I get frustrated that I won't let myself write about the new point, and then I also build more resistance to the original point because I blame it for preventing me to write about what I want to write about. Oh my goodness, I am going to now disentangle this.

Red Panda ..? Interesting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an emotional charge toward my daily blogging when and as I get backed up.

It's a build up of points. I'm holding on to the original point for reasons I didn't specify for myself. Now, I'm speaking in general for all the times that I delay the writing. So this frustration is a consequence of not being consistent with my writing here.

What else adds to my backchat when faced with writing in my Journey to Life blog? Today I witnessed myself thinking that I am out of condition and that my writing will suck. It's as if I had never really transcended this writing self-doubt point, that I had just constructed a work around...When I first started blogging, I recall saying to myself, "whatever, I'll just push myself to do it, and then I just [automatically] get better at writing over time." So I kind of never really addressed this writing/communication doubt that I have; I only circumvented it.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted or allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I have been moving through resistances too quickly, in that I'm not actually considering everything that's behind and that composes the personality patterns that I live. Within this realization, I commit myself to slow down, investigate fully the nature of why I do and say things outside of the best for all parameter. It's these moments that I now choose to give myself the time to look at slowly, in self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking too long with one point. Within this, I now realize that not wanting to take too long with one point is not only why I've been prone to rushing though process, but it's also a starting point source for the frustration I feel when I do take too long with a point. I commit myself to not quickly label general observations about myself, such as "So this frustration is a consequence of not being consistent with my writing here" as I wrote just a moment ago, but to instead constantly release my perspective to dive deeper and investigate the reality of myself at a level where self-honesty can actually be applied.

Slow down, figure out what works. When the solution isn't here, slow down, figure out what works. If I focus on the problem, I am likely using a narrow context and missing crucial factors that would assist me in reaching the solution.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move to quickly through my daily living. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify that moving faster is better, and in this not consider the point of being thorough and here in every breath.

When and as I see myself not wanting to write my daily blog, I stop I breathe. I ask myself, "why?" I write. I get to the bottom of the resistance, and I stop the pattern. I commit myself to restructuring my behavioral patterns on a deeper level where I can be self-honest about what I've been doing and why.

I commit myself to stop fearing that I will not write well. I commit myself to giving myself the space to write a daily blog even if it's not perfect, neat and easily read by you. I commit myself to realizing that it actually doesn't take that much time when I sit down and write. I commit myself to breathe and move myself to write daily again.

Day 274 - Success and Failure pt.10

Continuing with:
Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success
Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1 - Imagination Dimension of Success
Day 266 - Success and Failure pt.2 - Opening Resistance to Success
Day 267 - Success and Failure pt.3 - Spiraling Distraction
Day 268 - Success and Failure pt.4 - Components of Resistance
Day 269 - Success and Failure pt.5 - The Critical Moment
Day 270 - Success and Failure pt.6 - The Direction Question
Day 271 - Success and Failure pt.7 - Externalized Directive
Day 272 - Success and Failure pt.8 - The Problem with Mind-Self Separation
Day 273 - Success and Failure pt.9 - The Failure Character

...Effective Planning

That's my secret to success that you've all been waiting for since yesterday. This is a topic I've written on before, so it's not a hefty realization. The real substance of this concept comes in with discipline. I was debating on changing the title of this post to be 'discipline' while I was listening to the What If? Life Review because it was mentioned in that interview as one of the critical points of success. I recommend this interview especially to those that have that feeling of waiting for the perfect chance to blossom into success. I spent a lot of my life so far developing this idea in my head that I would achieve great things, and yet I hardly ever took proactive steps to achieve my visions of grandeur that I had for myself. This interview was like a relieving slap to the face.

I stayed with the effective planning title because it requires discipline within it. Ineffective planning obviously does not lead to success. So the big mystery is: What does it take to be effective?

Today, I was effective. I had taken just a few moments last night to write down what I wanted to do with my day, and this time I only put 3-5 items. Some of them were time heavy. Others items didn't make it on the list last night, but were pressing...such as listening to some EQAFE interviews. Another task was from the day before. This flexability contributed to me having a productive day. And I was still able to get in some unicycling, yoga, and under an hour of video games. What was different about today?

In days past, I would have no plan of practical accomplishment to adhere to. I used to smoke weed and enjoy the moment, listen to music and waste time with enjoyment and fleeting, positive feeling activities that had consequences. I would just delay/deny the consequence as long as I could. The moment I had to pay for it was so compressed that I could just rush through my responsibilities at the 'last minute' effectively condensing the experience of consequence...which in itself created more, longer-term consequences. When I stopped smoking the ganja just over 4 months ago, I didn't realize that I still had to deal with the various habits of procrastination and desire indulgence. It's like I had peeled back just one layer, and since then I've been able to continue in my process of self-change and becoming increasingly self-responsible. It's really cool!

I'm finding that by setting achievable goals daily, the only other thing I have to do is do them! The resistance that I experience in relation to actually doing the work fades the more I push myself into the new habit of self-will. It's really quite something to look at from the old perspective of that resistance energy that was seemingly too much to deal with, that laziness drug of the mind; it's made my will-power look like a wimpy little muscle. The more that I've flexed that muscle, the more my perspective has changed. In retrospect, pushing myself to get through the resistance of self-change is the most rewarding gift I have ever given to myself. Once I know what I can accomplish, once I start lifting heavy weights, I have no reason to regress.

Occasionally, I might regress as I am building my consistency. I plan to not be perfect from the get go anymore. This it the new failure attitude that I wrote about yesterday. I can only truly fail if I fall and don't get back up. It makes sense that focusing my efforts on getting up faster would speed up my process in becoming consistently effective. So, I plan to have a bunch of micro-fails. I plan to stick with myself, with my breath, to pick myself up as many times as it takes until I stop falling down. Once I've stabilized with one point, I'll move on to the next point that isn't stable. Next point I've already decided to work on...is another big one. One of those points that seems impossible to control now, but now, I know what I am capable of doing. Now, I understand that as sucky as it may seem to walk through the resistance of self-change, it really pays off. That next point: The sweet tooth character.

Thank you to all the supportive people in the desteni group, on the forum, those involved in my Desteni I Process, and all those close to me that reflect who I have become. And most of all, thank me for taking on the challenge of self-change through self-honesty and self-forgiveness. And thank YOU for reading. Stay tuned for more living insight to come.

Until then, support yourself by clicking on any of the links in this post.

Except this little one at the bottom. That one doesn't count as self-support assistance  :)

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