Day 461 - A friend, twisting my arm

I am stupid.

I have been only deepening my possession in the mind by not writing my blog.

A dear friend, stubbornly lead me to this blank blogger page, after I childishly said "no" ~7 times, he warned me that he we would give up if I said no once more. My tricky, yet effective friend.

I asked him, "ok, now what do I write?"

"I am stupid."

And the ball was rolling. I wrote the second line all on my own, and promised to keep writing.

He kindly reminded me "Self-Trust is based on following through on the promises I make," and we ended the 2-hr call so I could finish the long-overdue post.

I had to wade through so much resistance, it is comical that this effort was successful. I couldn't see it coming. It wasn't self-initiated, which is one of the main reasons I justified the resistance. For if I was not the starting point, then the whole thing must be invalid. It's nuts how effective my self-created excuses can be!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold a strict definition of what the acceptable parameters are for me to create a blog post.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop and nurture my mind, as the excuses and justifications for why I need to limit my expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must be consistent with my writing process, and if I am not, then I should not write at all - and through this belief, sabotage my writing efforts because even just doing one post feels like a MAJOR commitment, as if writing one post means I have to write all the posts in my future too.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project myself into the future, and create a feeling relationship of BURDEN if I am to uphold the vision I have of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to operate as this ego-projection, and sabotage my efforts in the moment by thinking that I must commit to something that I do not believe I can do, because I have not done it in my past.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that I am HEAVILY participating in EGO by seeing myself as my past and my future, and completely missing me, here, in the moment.

I stop. I breathe.

I commit myself to the recognition that all I have of myself that is real, is here, in the moment.

I commit myself to remembering that the feeling of insecurity arising from my past, and the feeling of greatness I project into my future, is all BS ego play. I stop. I breathe.

I commit myself to opening up my blog when I have something to write.

I commit myself to writing on other platforms when those moments arise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I should be writing on a different platform, to expand my reach and readership - and within this, create conflict that leads to further justifying and bolstering my resistance to writing here.

I commit myself to not fear writing here.

I commit myself to not fear writing there.

I commit myself to not fear wasting my time writing in one spot or the other.

I commit myself to writing in many places.

I commit myself to continue walking my Journey To Life Blog, for me and for all to see.

Thanks buddy.

Day 460 - Hidden Backdoors 1

Dimensional assistance:
for tomorrow: really DIGGING IN to the excuses, reasons/justifications that come up - even if you feel you have transcended some, do see if there are any HIDDEN BACKDOORS preventing you from pursuing ideas, dreams, creative expressions that has come up inside yourself


My hidden backdoors:
I'm not good enough. There's always someone better, so it's futile to aim for full acceptance love and support, but my ego self-concept is dearly interested in maintaining this perspective of myself, and so I dare not risk my reputation by standing for life. F*** that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prefer standing with my ego, and reject most risks, not allowing myself to be vulnerable, and so not stepping into my personal point of power and responsibility as a human on this earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand my potential, and its relationship to my responsibility to manifest it, wherein what I most want in life, beyond anything else, without a shadow of a doubt, is to live my utmost potential in this lifetime; thus, my responsibility is towards myself, and how much I really want, what I most want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project responsibility as something coming from outside of me, telling me what to do, how to be, or how to live; reacting by creating a rebellious character to fight for MY way, MY perspective, MY independence; and for not taking a breath, taking a moment, and tracing the line of logic within responsibility back to myself, with my best interests in heart, for self and all.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take the risks of simply expressing myself, and sharing it with as many as I can. To withhold my expression from others, is a damn shame, because I get the most enjoyment when tuning in and vibing with others.

I commit myself to posting this blog.

I commit myself to stop giving myself a never ending dose of excuses, just to protect my fragile big ego.

I commit myself to take a stand, and come what may, I stand, because my foundation in principled living is strong and unwavering.

I commit myself to the principle of doing what is best for all.

I commit myself to refining and fine tuning my expression of doing what's best for all, so that my personal, daily, habitual living patterns, are equally considered in this equation.

I commit myself to walking the hard path, being honest with myself, and letting go of what used to serve me, so I can adopt new living words and ways of being that better serve what is best for myself and others, equal and one.


Day 460 / 2555

Day 459 - Channeling my highest/best Self

Here forward:

As I sit to write, I commit myself to leave no stone unturned as I investigate all the nooks and crannies of myself, so that I may clear any and all dissonance, and align my structural resonance into a living application of my best self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the nature of delay/procrastination/postponement, where I believe I've giving myself more time today, I'm robbing myself of progression and life itself!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage my process by manipulating myself to opt for the quick fix of energy, instead of the long term, big picture, integrated alignment of my best self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a parallel reality of complacent acceptance within postponement, where I delude myself into a perspective that is less than comprehensive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to maintain a discombobulated perspective through acceptance and rapidly reacting to my world through my personal desires and fears.

I commit myself to take structural action to align my living day proportionally so all my highest responsibilities are being done, and fully enjoying my fun :)


459 / 2555

Day 458 - Quantity of Realizations per Moment

I really, really liked these two EQAFE interviews -



One of the most stubborn beings in existence shares about how we can measure our progress, in our life-awareness process. Before I get into my brief breakdown, I must say: there's a lot of information loaded into these two interviews! If you can afford to invest in them, and listen to them multiples times, you'll end up changing your life.

Why?

Understanding what "quantifying your process" practically means, can really help to quantify your process ;)

But what does it mean?!

For the longest time, the term "quantifying your process" has been used by beings through the portal to describe the benefit of  speeding up our process by applying various tools (writing, self-forgiveness, redefining living words, etc.).

When I first thought about this, I stubbornly adhered more to my scientific definition of quantification (to count or measure). But this definition just didn't hold up in many of the contexts that it was being used in, so I merged the definitions together as best I could. I thought it to mean  something like 'being aware of how much I've changed, and to within this see that my change process is working, boosting my confidence, and ultimately motivating me to move faster."

And for years, I was missing the point.

Maybe I was close or onto something with "quantifying process" as "a measure of self-change," but I can say that I'm very thankful, now that I'm getting clearer on it after listening to these 2 interviews, twice!

Currently, I'm best understanding it as: Quantity of Realizations per Moment.

How much self-realization can I fit into a single moment?

How often am I able to stop an emotional reaction and correct myself in real-time?


A direct quote from the 2nd interview:

"Essentially the overall definition of 'quantifying your process' is speeding up, fitting as many quantity of applications, or movements, or realizations of yourself into a moment that you can, to bring about actual, real self-change." - Veno

The interview goes on to to explain this further, giving examples and bringing it full circle to why it even matters to begin with. There are some other key points that stood out that helped me fine tune my understanding of this definition, namely:

Moving faster, by moving slower.

This is one of those statements I love, because at first, it makes no sense and contradicts itself. But then, I play with it. I start asking myself, "how could this be true?" And the phase opens up into a most powerful gift. It's a real shame how much common sense is missed because of a snap judgement.

And that's just it.

By slowing down, I can gather more information, that's logically obtained and organized. When I'm making a quick judgment about something, I don't engage the same faculties. It's often a rushed, overconfident opinion that I half-consciously churn out. When I take that big breath, and slow myself down, I am at greater capacity to intake and organize information, and so I have a greater capacity to make a sound decision.

When we take our time with something, we produce better quality work (like this post). The consequences of better quality work, is higher efficiency. A contrary example could be writing a bunch of notes so fast that they're illegible, and moving on from that so fast, that you don't even realize you can't read them until the day before the test. Taking longer, may seem to take longer from ONE perspective, but when you begin to do the math and see the quality adding up. 1 + 1 + 1 is more than 0.1 + 0.1 + 0.1 + 0.1 + 0.1 + 0.1 + 0.1

So now, you're already at a slower pace, having held your attention this far through my writing, but I invite you to slow down even more. Don't jump onto the next thing immediately. Take a moment, and ask yourself, "what's the best thing I can do next? Sit with it. "What do I truly want to do for me?" Maybe it brings up reaction because you're reminded of something important you've been postponing. Maybe it frees you up from a fast-paced day with little to no 'self check-ins.' Ask yourself about how you understand and relate to the phase "to move faster, move slower." Maybe you even have time to scribble legible notes about how you want to live into your next moments, and beyond.


From the best of ourselves, to the best of ourselves,

Cheers

Day 457 - Training for Physical Reality

In my last post, I spoken into a belief that "posting once a day would be too much, or too difficult for me." While I have my reasons and justifications for this, I also see the reality that I could be posting nearly everyday. So, with both perspectives in mind, I decided to make the leap and commit to writing every day last month. What I found by challenging myself, and failing = worth the effort!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trying something because I fear failure. When and as I see myself shying away from something within a mindset of fearing to fail, I stop, I breathe. I realize that nothing gets done when I stagnate with fear of failure, manifesting a failed opportunity of a life I could have lived. I commit myself to facing my fear of failure, embracing the lessons of failure, and carrying on with Self creation in the absence of fear (creation).

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Note: if I really had to or wanted to, I could stop my post here, and call it a day. Just one example-reason that I really have no valid excuse to not post on the daily.

Every reason for why I don't write every day, is linked to escapism. Writing and posting these 7-year-journey-to-life blogs is an effort of facing myself. Facing all the resistances and fears that come up along the way. Sometimes, I really don't want to look at myself, and so I layer the excuses to be "ok" with it. Observing myself in this pattern this for so long now, I've really gotten ample chance to see how silly it is.

Why is it so silly?

If I try to separate myself from the awareness of what is, then I enter a timeloop of specific unawareness, only to come back to awareness eventually. This retards one's growth in self-awareness, and who wants that?

I, as the mind consciousness system, do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to orient to the mind and believe that my dealings in energy are more significant or important that my physical reality. When and as I see myself racing for an energy fix, I stop, I breathe. I realize that there is only one me, and that if I have conflicting priorities, I need to slow down, reconcile who I am and which reality I want to validate and honor. I commit myself to remember to check-in with my starting point awareness, and carefully examine the evolution of my perspective through time; so that I may reverse engineer it, understand who I am within it, and continue building an increasingly consistent and stable character.

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I commit myself to honor and respect the physical laws of the universe.

I commit myself to embrace failure as a vital means of self-growth.

I commit myself to slow down to the pace of my breath, my body and my fingers (for typing), so that I may accomplish more substantial self-creation in the physical world.

I commit myself to ultimately be the director of my mind, instead of following energetic impulses that are inconsiderate of the physical world.

I commit myself to press on and recreate myself everyday! Cheers to a life worth living!