Day 257 - Character Shifting vs. Living Commitment (Part 4)

Continuing with my mini-series on Commitment:

• Day 254 - So, what can I actually commit to? Part 1
• Day 255 - Who am I within Commitment? Part 2
• Day 256 - What does Commitment mean to Me? Part 3

This post is going to add perspective on how I am going to achieve lasting self-change. First point that came up: achievement. This word set off a flag for me. In the context of a living commitment, it's not something to be achieved. There is not an 'end,' per say, where I will not have to try to keep my commitment anymore. No. Very similar to how people in AA are forever a recovering alcoholic, a self-commitment that is lived, is alive and here in each moment that's applicable.

The Character Shifting dynamic of changing self is an interesting point in contrast. For example: I accumulate a frustration with my nail biting habit. This frustration is builds and I base my change in relation to this reaction. This is not real change as a living self-commitment because I am operating within the same mental construct. The basis of my self-change is a reaction to point that wasn't real to begin with. The more one studies how the mind operates in polarity, the more it makes sense how feeding the positive is the same as feeding the negative. Another example: If I'm inclined to maintain happiness, I can ask myself why am I sad. I must fear being sad or lack happiness in order to desire to be happy. One system, two poles.

The point of this illustration is to help me have the context when the moment arises, so that I do not charge a system of illusionary change, rather create a living statement of self-direction. It's not so black and white though because I am the MIND as I walk this process into the physical. I must give myself the breathing space to practice the application of my commitments. When I reach the point where I feel comfortable/confident that my commitment will stand, I will move forward with the next point. BUT, I am not done living my commitment. The mind will throw a situation at me to test me. I can't tell you how many donuts have grimaced at me (context: Day 254). The question is, will I stand?

There are still desires, movements, and triggers that activate in relation to the commitments I have upheld, and I will eventually release those as well. The key is am I able to remain in directive control of me, or will I allow resistance/desire/energy to move me? The more I build perspective on how I as the MIND operate, the more equipped I will be to thoroughly forgive the charged point and establish a living commitment. Without a comprehensive perspective, I am prone to reacting within one system and fueling a a change that will not last. The polarity cycle operates like an infinity symbol.

Tomorrow, I will continue with another dimension of living commitments and begin self-forgiveness.

A special thanks to Heaven's post I AM the Mind: DAY 330 for my writing launch pad today:

"So, many people may argue that – shifting from one Character/Personality to another within Energy/Energy-Reactions, such as from the Lazy/Failure Character (Negative) to the Discipline/Success Character (Positive) means ‘Change’, because there is Change evident within Physical Reality. In the sense that, one do in fact become more disciplined and slowly but surely assimilate into and as the Process of becoming Successful. However, what we’re going to show here is that: SELF has not changed WITHIN self, but what has shifted and adapted through REACTIONS: is one’s Mind and one’s experience within the Mind and so also the content/nature of what one participate within, in the Mind."

Day 125 - Pacing Process

As I walk along this path with Desteni, I've been experiencing a lot of resistance. Sometimes I even wonder if I had not lived by the self-definition of "truthseeker," I would have bailed by now, but even this thought is charged by my mind, looking for ways to separate myself from others. So, I'm sticking to my guns, because once you have them in your hands, letting go is giving up. I can't go back to normal mind-energy indulgence levels, but moving forward is not easy either. It like having to re-learn life or something...from scratch

Well, not quite from scratch. I get to work the self-perfection tools so kindly presented by Desteni, and I work with myself to rebuild my relationship alignments (who I am in relation to anything). So far, I've specifically chosen how to 'handle' my relationships for maximum advantage within self-interest because I realized that as success based on the positive feelings. So, my sense of self had always been constructed by, as & within that positive feeling. And so I moved toward increasing my perception/awareness and my ability to see and understand how I can influence more situations across contexts. So my life emphasized the process of building myself to be greater. One example of how is the notion of abstraction, where I would seek the generalized knowledge that could be applied to many situations to come. I'm sure that's not an unfamiliar concept, but I like "owned" it. I created myself to believe myself to be smart and able, WHILE always tucking away the doubts and fears that I am actually less than others or less than able or missing a piece of the knowledge puzzle (dumb).

So, this Desteni I Process that I'm knee deep in is forcing me to look at myself and my daily behaviors so that I will begin to take full responsibility for everything of my life, something I've never thought mattered a whole lot. I used to think that as long as I could be on the up-side of my interactions, I will have money and be successful for my whole life. Now, that equality has entered the picture, oneness too, I have no more wiggle room to bullshit around. I didn't realize how addicted I am to dickin around until work is thrown at me, and now I have a lot of work. Responsibility goes up, work goes up. Seeing this as a bad thing is the leading procrastination factor for me.

To break down why I see work as negative: Lazy feels good. Lazy is easy. Lazy is free (haha). Lazy is me.

I've always wanted to get ahead in life without having to work hard. That's not going to work, so my pre-self-direction path of being smart and living off of others not being smart (a general conception of how I used to operate), simply won't do. Desteni has shown me oneness and equality, and I can't go back because that's it. When I'm on my death bed, I'll have wanted to done all I could have to make this world closer to perfect. I want to have done my part. So, to re-realize my power within equality is not a simple process. It's ugly. It's me though too.

Here I am, writing through resistance (though it's not cleared yet, no). And if I want to achieve my death bed goals, I need to continually assess my starting points within actions and thoughts. In doing this I can check my alignment on the scale from self-interested entertainment time-waster, to living equality as whats best for myself and others in terms of living to effectively support all life on Earth.

Specific self-forgiveness and corrective application statements to follow.