Day 447 - Hooray!! I'm grateful for...

This life!

When I express the word 'hooray' (def: used to express joy or approval) inside of myself, gratitude comes up with it, so I thought I'd dedicate this post and ask:

What am I grateful for in my life?

The connection from hooray to grateful is interesting in itself. When I look at the feeling if it, it's kind of stored as a memory, but like a picture-archetype of a group of people all going "hooray!" after hearing news of an accomplishment or victory to which they all had contributed their blood, sweat and tears.

I connect 'hooray' to joy as gratitude, especially in a teamwork setting. And what I'm most grateful for, is what I most enjoy. So, without further adieu, my

#GratitudeList:

- Connection

First it was Mommy, we all know that. Then they cut the cord. Dad; eventually I became grateful for my brother.. Friends. Beings exchanging words....or more. It's this idea of understanding myself through others, 'two or more in my name. 'What are the similarities? the differences? Who am I in relation to another? Is one of the questions that I'm most grateful for.

- Education

Learning and the ability to learn. To understand and be understood. The process of familiarizing ourselves with what's here. I've not really been able to commit to a single area of deep investigation, (other than DIP), because everything is so fascinating. I'd be wise to calm down a bit, and focus my attention more, because specialization of applied understandings, is where the money's at.

By focusing education, we have access to create more value for the world, and fair compensation should be expected. It's the natural way. Not all education is perfect, and I tapped out of Academia after my bachelors to pursue a deeper understanding through...

- Vocabulary

Learning words has been nothing short of everything when it comes to learning new things. At a young age, word acquisition was one of the greatest ways we could apply ourselves, for it was a very powerful tool for getting our needs met. More words, more specific requests, more power. The early childhood education vocab lays the foundation for our thoughts, and thus, what we will create in our lives, over and over and over. Fascinating: how we kind of outsource our thoughts to the mind, automate them, and then we get stuck in weird thought patterns that just aren't helpful anymore, if they ever were!!

The more vocab words, the more choices of thought at my disposal. To all who played a part in my journey of realizing the importance of words: Thank You. I've realized it's not too late to be bound by our current vocabulary level, no matter where you're at, you can improve - and it's as worth it now as it was when you were 2. It's a big world out there, and we're all missing it, because we can't see beyond our own vocabulary. Learn Words.

- Body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse and forget about my body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to entertain the mind, over my body. I.e. binge eating candy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dissociate from my breath, heart and living flesh, so I can go on a vacation in the mind for some energetic stimulation addiction.

I commit myself to take a breath, slow down, be with my body, cry if I need to, learn from my mistakes, and commit to new awareness.

I commit myself to eat better, to cook my own food more often, and to consider the long-time point of view for everything I ingest.

I commit myself to a daily routine, to honor my body, through exercise and stilling the mind from time to time.

I commit myself to honor my body.

- Me

None of this would be possible if it weren't for me.

Thank you Daniel, you've made many good decisions in your life so far. Keep it up! Don't let yourself get stuck in a rut. You can do what ever you set your sights on. Thanks for sticking with me, as me. We'll get this done! I believe in me.

Thanks for reading..

- All

(this is now a comprehensive list, goodbye)

Day 446 - Meeting People Online

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear that others will not like me and then harshly criticize me, which would further ruin my reputation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the idea of 'my reputation' and separate myself from it, so that I exist in constant paranoia around managing 'my rep', instead of living and expressing me genuinely, and having my reputation simply follow.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to micromanage my expression, in any and all of my interactions with others, out of the fear of non-acceptance.

I commit myself to embrace self-acceptance, and journey on in my writing-expression, unencumbered by paranoid fears of potential judgments.

I commit myself to focus on my immediate, direct participation with the words I express, flowing with what comes up, so that I may channel my inner to my outer, and really begin to sort my existence out.

I commit myself to fear no troll.

--

There's a lot of parallels between meeting people IRL and meeting people online:

• Venue/Forum/Topic
• Participation
• One-on-One Interactions
• ...and surely more!

One of the first online communities I joined was about hypnotism. I found an interesting group of people supporting one another to reprogram themselves with hypnotic induction. I was curious, and when the new Forum went live on their site, I decided to participate. And with having an active role, I became a community leader. I eventually lost interest in this topic, but I learned a lot about being in an online, social environment during that first go-around.

From there, I realized that there is probably any kind of group online that one may want to find, so it becomes a question of: which topic(s) am I so interested in, that I would be willing essentially move to a new town (metaphorically) and commit my time and attention to actively participating in a new community?

To be a participant in an active community, seem like a daunting thing, and a mundane thing. Daunting if you're moving to a new country! Mundane, from the perspective that we've always been an active member in our own, personal communities. The internet has really given us access to stretching and expanding our "community." The capacity to broadcast my expression, subjecting myself to ALL, a.k.a. the biggest community, is not within my comfort zone.

My comfort zone / programming, is being able to manipulate one or several people into buying into my bullshit, so I see like the most right person. No, no. I need to stand by something more stable than your run-of-the-mill ego design.

Principle

I commit myself to standing by principle, unwavering, so that I may be vulnerable and strong at the same time: while sharing myself online.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to really meet me, and so have created difficulty with meeting and bonding with others, online or IRL.

I commit myself to continuing with my writing journey, so that I may see myself, as the words I'm willing to stand by and publish to the Interwebz.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cower, lurk, hide, believing that as long as I keep my head down, no one will see me, and so they won't judge me...all the while, not realizing that it was never about anyone else, anyway.

I commit myself to vulnerably participating in all information and groups that I take interest in, and not just lurking and reading. After all, "knowledge without application, is useless."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hoard information out of fear of survival, like, "I will need this info possibly in the future to have leverage over another."

I commit myself to integrating the common sense principles of life, equality and oneness - into my living practice as a human, so that I may be of sound support to others who too have had enough of this awkward self-created chaos we find ourselves in.

--

When we stand by principle, we can have really golden friendships.

The consistency is alluring to the masses who lose sight of themselves daily.

--

So, for this post, just a few layers of fears that I faced while approaching online/off-line community participation. Being a +1 in any group of other +1's is very rewarding! Self as a team is much more powerful than Self alone!

So whaddaya say Gang!?

Hiphip...

Day 445 - Teh Interwebs

What is the interwebz you may ask? (research, research, research)

For me, it is a wonderful space that I can portal through to connect with other people and information, at my will. Its profundity, is simply unseen by the majority that follow the flashing lights. Just like the Vegas-goer archtype, we ourselves seek the lights, the energy, the fun, the stimulation!

This behavior has been studied by people with big money, obviously, and for a long time before the internet generations. So it begs the question, how are the big players of today, capitalizing on our lack of impulse control and desire for stimulations?

Who are the big players in the attention market today? You know the ones. Just pay attention, to where your attention goes when you're connected to the interwebz, most of the time.

Cool crypto side note: The new Brave browser works in conjunction with the Basic Attention Token (BAT) to reward the web content producers based on the time you spend on their websites. I like that it brings more awareness and control of our attention, back to self, instead of those evil marketing scientists vying for our attention, and effectively so! (A multi-billion dollar market!)

The economy of attention is a wonderful concept to bring into awareness. First understand it, then observe self in relation to the new information, then start integrating it into self-awareness. That's done in the physical. Like any practice: Small, humble steps in the beginning. Then you pick up pace, ask smarter questions, take more risks, have a few falls... But before you know it, you're directing your attention with more meta-awareness than you ever even knew was possible!..for example.

Education is a powerful force, when we make it so. I could go on about my thrills and throw downs around this topic of education, but that'll be for blogs to come. The main point to take note of here is: our connection to information is monumentally faster than EVER BEFORE. To the student wielding pointed questions, this is an incredibly powerful tool.

...And with great power comes, great:

RESPONSIBILITY

Kind of a hectic word in my history. But with time, it's growing on me. I've wanted to avoid it, but I like power....hmmm..

I've come to find that there is a direct relationship to responsibility and power. I've sought the leveraged way for many years, trying to do half the work and "earn" twice as much. I saw that others in the world were doing this, and I couldn't see anything preventing me from doing just the same.

So, I asked that question: Why not me?

Years later and because I had become a savvy web user, the answer was able to arrive.

Throughout my schooling years, I utilized the interwebz to seek higher truths. At the end of '09, Desteni group found my attention. I had a blast assimilating that information, because it rang true, based on what I had been reading and researching up to then...but there was one little hiccup. The concept of oneness and equality sounds great, but then I slowly began to realize that if I'm equal, then I can't be more than others, and that was why I started on as a truth-seeker, just lovin' up on the interwebz, learning all I could, so that I could know more than others, and ultimately..save them.

So, years of integration later, I'm still dismantling the savior complex, realizing how normal I am, seeing me as the accepted and allowed programming, and gently letting that of me go, as I breathe into a new physical moment with my body. The equation of oneness and equality is fairly simple in the physical plane of existence. ie. 1+1=2; What is best for all? Piece a cake.

All this to say that my childhood dreams of leveraging intellect to save the world with the least amount of effort, came crashing down. In ways, they're still crashin'!

What I'm finding as the more I let that go, the more stable I am in my workflow, my "generative output" as I like to call it. And with practice, I'm getting more and more honed in on that sweet spot of responsibly directing my attention in the physical for the highest good that I can create, for myself and ultimately others, too. It's an accumulative and worthwhile effort.

With regards to using the interweb to connect with people...

I'll get to that tomorrow.

Day 444 - Going Deeper

What was that?

This one, chill tab really enhanced my writing flow for this blog post!

Where was I?

How did I let myself stop writing for such a long time?

Fascinating, it is, to go deeper into what, why & how things have become they way they are in our lives.

Something cool I've realized in myself is that I have a lot to share. The uncool layer is that I was so wrapped up in my head about wanting to share in some ultra-specific, perfect way (and that's a deep hole!), that I would give way to simple resistances, such as "It can wait.." instead of pushing myself to be a better me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to share the gift of me, with me, and the rest of humanity. Unashamed. Raw. Humble. Whatever, just stop thinking about what/how others' care about my expression, prior to me just plainly & authentically being: me.

Who am I?

It's such a multidimensional question; and as such, it requires multiple answers. Let's take this one chunk at a time here, because I know there is a lot to who I am.

Prominently, I want to identify as a writer.....but today, it's more = "a writer, going through 'writer's block', for far long enough now."

But what's really going on, behind the scenes, that I'm using to justify such a long-standing act of limiting my own expression?

Today, I really wanted to keep this entry short, like the one prior, for ease of reading. Digestibility of my content, is one of my favorite criteria for publishing my works, and it's something of a gift, and a curse. I can either place myself in fear-paralysis that my expression will not be well understood, and build myself a "good enough" barrier that effectively bars my writing efforts; or I can simply take the principle into practice, work with improving my writing skills, expand the way in which I actively critique my writing, vs judging how I may be perceived from the stand point of others as the critics that I must impress. Done with that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to orient so severely to others' possible perceptions of me, that I have lost nearly all focus on driving my own divinity, as the authentic point of departure from my own breath. The me that isn't fucked with by the mind.

I commit myself to continue my journey to life, in writing, here for all to see. Maybe blogger, definitely steemit.com/@dan2all as I continue to work myself out of this lil slump I've been in. YouTube, I can't wait. I'm burning up wanting to share, stifled for way too long by only inner resistances. Fool.

I've worked on my writing and typing for YEARS...I am more than capable. Just need to see me and know that I can move in the ways I know I can move, and MOVE.

Can I write a blog every day this month?...of course I can. Who's going to stop me, but me and my own allowance of the mind's silly self-sabotage programming?! I've kinda been working myself into a corner, and I can't see many unknown variables at this point....I'm sure my mind could drum up something, naturally evolving in its self-preservation program, as it has, rising to the occasion to stop full life force flowin'.....but even this has gone on, and on, and on, and on...I'm starting to see the patters of patterns, and at this point, it seems I'd have to REALLLY want to hide, suppress, and give way to the mind, to keep choosing self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that, to any degree, I have accepted and allowed me to be dishonest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide/cover/suppress various truths of me from my awareness, so that I do not have to accept the responsibility of what it really is to be alive.

I commit myself to blog each day this month. To drop in to a breath and begin. As resistances or fears come up, rinse and repeat with that breath.

No need to pre-edit my expression with subconscious chatter of yesteryear. I commit myself to place myself in writing, with whatever judgements I or others have of me, self-acceptance, and from there, see how I can improve the conveyance of me, through this awesome new multi-dimensional communication medium, commonly known as....

(see you tomorrow;)

Day 443 - Petrified in My Hiatus

In a whirlwind of varying forms of self-interest, I've taken great pause in my blogging efforts. It's a mixture of many points, but the basic resistances and fears are now clear enough for me to resume writing.

credit

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will think of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that I am a self leader.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make my process dependent on the state and condition of my mind, readily allowing fear to shut me up and shut me down.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget the power that comes with writing myself to freedom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to create only great posts, and then choose to NOT write because I fear my writing will be relative crap.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the multidimensions of comparison, within and without, as a tool of self-diminishment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest a  lack of confidence and downward spiral of my physical process.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to slow down, and reassess where I'm at, where I'm headed, and what changes I want to make.

--

I commit myself to be creative.

I commit myself to STOP self-judgment that bars my creation processes.

I commit myself to explore the multitude of ways that I can express myself online to share my process and the cool information I've been investigating.

I commit myself to the remembrance of my higher purpose, and that I am not just writing for me.

I commit myself to make the rest of 2018, something I can be proud of, and stop fooling around.

In this one life, I have a chance to really live.

Here forward, I commit myself to continue sharing all that is me in this journey.

Thank you (for your patience).