Day 443 - Petrified in My Hiatus

In a whirlwind of varying forms of self-interest, I've taken great pause in my blogging efforts. It's a mixture of many points, but the basic resistances and fears are now clear enough for me to resume writing.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will think of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that I am a self leader.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make my process dependent on the state and condition of my mind, readily allowing fear to shut me up and shut me down.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget the power that comes with writing myself to freedom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to create only great posts, and then choose to NOT write because I fear my writing will be relative crap.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the multidimensions of comparison, within and without, as a tool of self-diminishment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest a  lack of confidence and downward spiral of my physical process.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to slow down, and reassess where I'm at, where I'm headed, and what changes I want to make.

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I commit myself to be creative.

I commit myself to STOP self-judgment that bars my creation processes.

I commit myself to explore the multitude of ways that I can express myself online to share my process and the cool information I've been investigating.

I commit myself to the remembrance of my higher purpose, and that I am not just writing for me.

I commit myself to make the rest of 2018, something I can be proud of, and stop fooling around.

In this one life, I have a chance to really live.

Here forward, I commit myself to continue sharing all that is me in this journey.

Thank you (for your patience).

Day 343 - The way forward

Continuation of yesterday's post

I commit myself to taking responsibility for myself to walk this process steadfast, moving consistently from my existing mind-based reality living to physical living.

I commit myself to recognizing others as equals, as life, as the potential of their physicals.

I commit myself to realizing that I am not as great as I think I am.

I commit myself to breathe and do what needs to be done.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing a personal reaction to continue.

I commit myself to living what is best, and investigating why I am not, until it is done.

I commit myself to realizing my potential.

I commit myself to standing as the directive principle of my life.

I commit myself to living toward my utmost potential.

I commit myself to flag and stop any thought of inability, i.e. "I can't..."

I commit myself to recognizing when I utilize any distraction to facilitate suppression, to then stop it immediately, or flag for priority processing (meaning: write that night to open it up; write and speak meaningful self-forgiveness; write corrective application statements and live them)

I commit myself to participate within the groups that support what is best, in the relevant context, for all.

I commit myself to live responsibly.

I commit myself to live in a way that supports what is best for myself AND by considering other beings as an extension of self, supporting and giving to them as I would like to receive.

I commit myself to realizing who I am in the context of oneness and equality.

Day 276 - Embracing the In-Breath

I became aware of a cool point today while practicing my breathing application. I was laying down during the final resting pose in yoga (savasana), and this is a moment that I used to let my mind wander. My physical had just undergone a strenuous workout, and I always considered savasana to be prime time for daydreaming. The thoughts would run so naturally and my body would melt into the floor as I drift away in consciousness. It's interesting to consider that I typically fall asleep this way as well..

Over the past few months of practicing yoga, I began utilizing my savasana as a time to practice staying in my body, with my breath. I do this by applying the 4-count breath technique. Lindsay Craver did a blog post that gives a good idea of what this tool is and how it is used here.

I've tried this technique many times to support myself to remain present and grounded, here, within my physical body. Today I finally noticed a pattern of having the most trouble with holding the in-breath.

I contemplated on what this could mean. The first thing to mind was my presence. By anxiously rushing through the in-breath hold, I was severely compromising my presence. I associated this phenomena/habit of cutting my in-breath short with self-doubt and impatience. I experimented: When I held my in-breath, I was really, really present for it. I could visualize myself moving more effectively from this starting point.

Now, I am noticing myself fall into another consciousness trap. From that in-breath, I decided to direct myself into a visualization/imagination of potential out flow. That in itself isn't the trap. The trap is buying into or becoming vested in the feeling of being in control, unencumbered as a result of my imagined successfullness. I walked that point in the beginning of my 10 day series on success.

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Recap:

• I realized I've been short changing myself by not being present with my in-breath.
• I realized the power of staying present within my in-breath is presence itself,
• and the ability to direct self.
• I directed myself into an experiment of testing the difference in my relationship to my in-breath when cut short vs when I am patient and give myself the full 4 counts.

Why might I be rushing through the in-breath:

• Self-Trust
• I do not trust that my breath will carry me.
• weird fear, maybe related to my underwater fears post.
• Self-Doubt
• Related to not trusting myself
• fear of being present
• fear of being self-responsible.
• trusting the mind consciousness system
• feels safe, known, & comfortable

Consequences:

By not embracing my in-breath, I am not present. It's the difference between automatic living mode and self-directed living. It's very easy to forget about the breathing...must set lots of flag points!

Solution:

Utilize flag points to prevent full system possession states of being. Acquire awareness and build flag points through writing. Awareness of every breath is not a goal I hope to achieve tonight...or ever (within the context of hope). I will stay consistent within my process of self-realization within self-honesty to realize my breathing in every moment. To hold an expectation, goal, or hope is to externalize the responsibility to live as this mental/behavioral change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to undervalue my breathing application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value my breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to just breathe and be the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is hard to be aware of my breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that I am my breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that becoming aware of every breath is a process that will be walked over the course of many years, that my mind is the starting point of wanting it done as soon as yesterday.

I commit myself to repeatedly bring myself back into my breath, not to fight the mind, but to work with it in discovering why and where I am still afraid to fully be with every in-breath.

I commit myself to becoming evermore acquainted with my breath, until it's of my nature to be within and as every breath.

I redesign myself here.

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