Day 327 - Uniting Past, Present and Future

Here. This is the moment that unites past, present, and future. Here, I may contemplate how my past self has played into who I am today. With this in mind, I can see the momentous personality characteristics that create my future self. This is the basis of today's post.

My relationships between the three different selves has long been not considered. My whole life has been much more locked into the present perspective. I hadn't realized that my 'unimportant' past was creating my future because the idea of my future was so vastly different and glorious. My future self had felt like he's already achieved greatness with no context based in the past or present. The separation between my past self, present self, and future self has been causing me much more grief and discord than I had realized. I've been isolated in my present self experience: very chill, "everything's going to be great," optimistic.

Without further ado,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate my past self from my present self through deliberately not paying attention to the events of my past because I would rather maintain my optimistic perspective and not be accountable for the past that seems to be long gone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how my past self is connected to my future self, through my present self.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing my present self to recognize the relationship between past and future selves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe my future self is going to be glorious when there is no past evidence to support the fruition of this glorious self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect my past, thinking that I can create a better future if I do not have the past weighing me down. In this, I now realize that I can't escape my past, as it is here as me. Ignoring it is actually to my detriment because then I can't address and take responsibility for my past, and thus allowing my past to automatically create my future. Ahhhh, here we go.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the automation of my self-creation based on the past, flowing into the future, while my present self sits pretty in an illusionary perspective of control.

Timeline Example - A cool way to map myself...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my past doesn't matter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that all the power to create my future is in the present, separate from my past events, not realizing that the past is actually here in the present as well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the multidimensionality of myself through time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my past self here, to be able to comfortably reside in a disillusioned state of consciousness in the present.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an imagined future self that is beautiful and exciting, let those feelings take over glorify my present perspective, while ignoring the reality of myself here that is primarily composed of my past self.

When and as I see myself excited for my future, I stop I breathe. I realize that day dreaming about my future with no connection to the reality of myself here is a recipe for disaster/inaction. I commit myself to start practically assessing what I am able to accomplish in the near future. I commit myself to stop believing I am great because my future imagined self is great. I commit myself to forming applicable plans within a regard for past, present and future realities of self.

When and as I see myself in a state of carefree present reality, I stop I breathe. I remember that my past self is my self structure, and that without attention to detail, I allow my past to create my future automatically. This causes time-loops of experiences and consequences where I create scenarios to see the reality of myself. Each time I enter a loop, I must wait before I will face myself in a moment of ability to live the change and transcend that pattern. I commit myself to identifying these moments when my past unwittingly creates my future. I commit myself to then write and forgive myself extensively such that I am prepared and ready to STOP the next time my momentous past self begins to bleed into the future. I commit myself to recognizing the totality of my past, here. In so doing, I no longer react within a patterned past self, but instead create my future with a comprehensive awareness of the consequences that may ensue.

When and as I see myself creating a consequential outflow in the present, I stop I breathe. I realize that my past characters are coming out to play. I commit myself to fully investigate the patterned personality, let it go with the gift of self-forgiveness, and qualify my self-change by taking note of similar events in my future and how I act/react.

I am here: past, present and future. To attempt to escape myself is futile and unnecessarily consequential. One self, through time, here. I commit myself to uniting my perception of and responsibility for myself in all moments.

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Day 276 - Embracing the In-Breath

I became aware of a cool point today while practicing my breathing application. I was laying down during the final resting pose in yoga (savasana), and this is a moment that I used to let my mind wander. My physical had just undergone a strenuous workout, and I always considered savasana to be prime time for daydreaming. The thoughts would run so naturally and my body would melt into the floor as I drift away in consciousness. It's interesting to consider that I typically fall asleep this way as well..

Over the past few months of practicing yoga, I began utilizing my savasana as a time to practice staying in my body, with my breath. I do this by applying the 4-count breath technique. Lindsay Craver did a blog post that gives a good idea of what this tool is and how it is used here.

I've tried this technique many times to support myself to remain present and grounded, here, within my physical body. Today I finally noticed a pattern of having the most trouble with holding the in-breath.

I contemplated on what this could mean. The first thing to mind was my presence. By anxiously rushing through the in-breath hold, I was severely compromising my presence. I associated this phenomena/habit of cutting my in-breath short with self-doubt and impatience. I experimented: When I held my in-breath, I was really, really present for it. I could visualize myself moving more effectively from this starting point.

Now, I am noticing myself fall into another consciousness trap. From that in-breath, I decided to direct myself into a visualization/imagination of potential out flow. That in itself isn't the trap. The trap is buying into or becoming vested in the feeling of being in control, unencumbered as a result of my imagined successfullness. I walked that point in the beginning of my 10 day series on success.

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Recap:

• I realized I've been short changing myself by not being present with my in-breath.
• I realized the power of staying present within my in-breath is presence itself,
• and the ability to direct self.
• I directed myself into an experiment of testing the difference in my relationship to my in-breath when cut short vs when I am patient and give myself the full 4 counts.

Why might I be rushing through the in-breath:

• Self-Trust
• I do not trust that my breath will carry me.
• weird fear, maybe related to my underwater fears post.
• Self-Doubt
• Related to not trusting myself
• fear of being present
• fear of being self-responsible.
• trusting the mind consciousness system
• feels safe, known, & comfortable

Consequences:

By not embracing my in-breath, I am not present. It's the difference between automatic living mode and self-directed living. It's very easy to forget about the breathing...must set lots of flag points!

Solution:

Utilize flag points to prevent full system possession states of being. Acquire awareness and build flag points through writing. Awareness of every breath is not a goal I hope to achieve tonight...or ever (within the context of hope). I will stay consistent within my process of self-realization within self-honesty to realize my breathing in every moment. To hold an expectation, goal, or hope is to externalize the responsibility to live as this mental/behavioral change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to undervalue my breathing application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value my breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to just breathe and be the breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is hard to be aware of my breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that I am my breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that becoming aware of every breath is a process that will be walked over the course of many years, that my mind is the starting point of wanting it done as soon as yesterday.

I commit myself to repeatedly bring myself back into my breath, not to fight the mind, but to work with it in discovering why and where I am still afraid to fully be with every in-breath.

I commit myself to becoming evermore acquainted with my breath, until it's of my nature to be within and as every breath.

I redesign myself here.

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