In the Desteni leadership development group, we started investigating 'tough minds' in society and our responsibility in relation to them. There are people out there who react to their environment and people around them, having little or no time to stop themselves. Many others, myself included, have a mind that allows us to hold back or suppress our reactions, especially the reactions that would social conflict or awkwardness, for example. So our exercise is to find a person in our life that we reacted toward with blame and judgment toward their expression, and to bring that point back to self. Here I am sharing my process with this exercise:
Archetype/Character: goes with the flow to a fault, lacking leadership of
others, submissive conflict avoidance.
Me in relation to this point- especially with women, I do
not like this aspect of myself where I wait for another to lead/initiate to
avoid facing the fear of failure/rejection/ridicule. When I also look at my
brother in relation to me, I see how I've ridiculed him in a fool hearted
attempt to distance myself from being the victim of ridicule.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
think, believe, and fight for the position that I can be separate and protected
from victimhood of ridicule by ridiculing others.
I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to ridicule others.
I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to show affection for others by ridiculing them
when they express anything that I deem worthy of ridicule because I am
justified in showing them this point at home/in a close relationship, to help
them prevent public ridicule or ridicule from a stranger or love interest.
I
forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and
understand that my justifications for ‘teaching’ others where/how they can be ridiculed
through reacting to their expression through ridicule, are fears that I have
within me that I have accepted and allowed to shape myself as mind, and so
shape my life in the external.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to fear being ridiculed by others.
I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to fear the loss of an opportunity that is a result
of a weakness within me that can be judged/ridiculed.
I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to try to strengthen others through ridicule
and judgment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear
public ridicule, and within this, fear being defined by others in a
negative/weak way.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
connect the word ‘weakness’ with the word ‘negativity.’
I forgive myself that I
have not accepted and allowed myself to stand within myself by principle. I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the
reactions of others. And within this, I realize that who I am is who I am as
standing principle within myself and without in my lived participation in this
world and with every interaction.
I commit myself to now take the lead and go with it.
I
commit myself to fail in my process toward self-perfection, within the
awareness that I commit myself to always get back up and test a new way in the
next moment, until I am stable in success.
I commit myself to stop ridiculing
others’ weaknesses.
I commit myself to turning my ridicule back unto myself.
I
commit myself to no longer fear public ridicule, as I now define myself by who
I know myself to be as the principles I stand for and express myself through.
I
commit myself to showing others that I am not swayed by their ridicule.
I commit
myself to intentionally subjecting myself to ridicule, so that as the energy
reaction comes up within me, I can utilize this moment to breathe and release
this pattern that I no longer accept and allow myself to believe to be who I
am.
I commit myself to stopping the self-construct belief system that is
defined through me giving others the responsibility to define myself…interesting.
TBC
