Day 380 - Careful Self-Branding and Personality Portrayal

Yesterday, I blogged about my starting point within blogging. Many times in the past, I have found myself writing to please you, the reader, instead of using this space appropriately for my individual process of self-supportive writing and investigation. The 'sharing it publicly' factor should only weigh in afterwards in the form of editing typos and clarifying what doesn't even makes sense to me.

The possibility of your negative judgment of my writing was the main backchat within my initial resistance toward starting this blog. Why? Because I wanted to make sure that when I started publicly expressing myself and producing content, that I did so in a strategic way to gain approval and influence on the interweb. I was so worried about carefully shaping my content, that I resisted and delayed producing anything. Even still I struggle with pushing myself to publish video logs because I am still justifying this point of needing to make a certain impression, especially because the video medium allows for higher visibility, transparency and is easier to consume.

I also experienced a high level of frustration yesterday when I had not successfully saved my new self summary on my LinkedIn profile. I had written it with extraneous care, considering how every sentence fragment could shape how readers perceive me. Funny enough, I was writing it simultaneously as I was working on yesterday's post, so the point eventually became obvious how I was writing within ego; however, I continued justifying that I need to carefully and consciously shape how others saw me, especially in the harsh world of business professionals. So, when I lost my self summary and had to rewrite it again, I was constantly reminded of how great I thought it sounded, how perfect it was, how I can never get it back exactly as it was. I recognized my intense reactive state and I wrote about it in my computer journal. I had let the point go for the night, and came back at it with a fresh brain today. I wrote it this time with a more carefree, 'give it my best' attitude, remembering that I can always change it again.

It is now time to walk the self-forgiveness on this point more thoroughly within the dimension of being paranoid about others are judging my online presence. In upcoming blog posts, I'll get more into the paranoia surrounding my perception of how others judge my offline presence, which is a biggie.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to firstly consider how other people may perceive and judge my online writing, not realizing that these judgmental people are actually in my head within a subconscious layer of my mind, and thus an extension of myself. Therefore, I am only really judging myself when I limit my expression in this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get attached to careful impression management creations as my written self summary on LinkedIn.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated when I lost my carefully crafted facade of myself as my written online identity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach frustration to loss, not realizing the truth that I can never lose my authentic self expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is imperative that I manage how others may or might perceive my character.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify with the characters that I create and (attempt to) portray.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a failure when I do not successfully portray a specific character to invoke a specific, positive response in others.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that who I am is not a character, and that the characters I present are simply either effective or ineffective. In this, I now see realize and understand that an ineffective character only requires to be adjusted, and that failing to invoke the desired response in others is not something to be taken personally. I am not the personality that I present. Who I am is life, as an expression of what is best for all. And I commit myself to continue this journey towards unhindered self-expression within oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect success with positive responses/judgement from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach my self-definition with the character or public representation of myself in a particular situation that requires a certain personality suit.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I will make many mistakes when consciously representing myself in a particular way.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to make these mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when making mistakes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect making mistakes to my self-definition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making mistakes in how I represent or express myself, not realizing that this fear is rooted in the belief that I am the personality that I create and live through.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear, not realizing that this fear is holding me back from effective, authentic self-expression.


When and as I see myself fearing that I will not effectively portray myself, I stop I breathe. I realize that the way I present myself is not directly linked to who I am, and thus, I commit myself to stop taking it personally within judgments, manifested or subconsciously projected.

When and as I see myself projecting subconscious self-judgments in the form of personalities/voices in my head, I stop I breathe. I realize that writing from a starting point of validated projected judgments severely limits my capacity to authentically express myself. I commit myself to stop the internal self-judgment backchat in the moment that I become aware of it, take a deep in-breath, hold it for a few seconds, stabilize myself back into my physical, breath out and express myself authentically in whatever situation.

When and as I see myself justifying an elaborate process of impression management while writing, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can always edit and make adjustments to my writing to portray myself more effectively after I've expressed myself unencumbered by voices in my head. I commit myself to first write for myself in getting my main point out, before I criticize and edit my writing.

When and as I see that I have made a mistake when presenting myself a certain way, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am able to make edits and test out another way of presenting myself in my writing. This process can be repeated until I am satisfied. When in a real life interaction, I commit myself to accept when I make a mistake, let it go, and transition my expression back to the here-now moment and direct the interaction accordingly within common sense. I commit myself to not fear making mistakes. I commit myself to flag point whenever I see that I fear making a mistake, to further investigate the point.

When and as I see myself identifying with my mistakes, I stop, I breathe. I realize that who I am is not directly represented by the portrayal of a particular character or personality that I have created (consciously or not); though within this, I realize my responsibility for my physical participation, as actions and words, regardless of personality suit. I commit myself to remain emotionally detached from my mistakes, and instead, utilize them to make changes and improvements.

When and as I see myself reacting to positive feedback/judgement by taking it personally, I stop, I breathe. I realize that this reaction indicates an ego-oriented perspective, that charges this mind construct and substantiates both the positive and the negative within my disillusioned perception of judgment. I commit myself to breathe, be here, and express myself for the sake of self-expression and value creation in this world. Any feedback from others does not define who I am. No matter how much they assert and believe they're judgment is correct, I know confidently that who I am is determined in my starting point of my expression.

I commit myself to continue practicing self/character expression through words until there is no interference from the voices in my head. I commit myself to stop the self-judgment system. I commit myself to express freely within what is best for all.

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Day 379 - Why Do I Blog?

I'm an investigator of the Self. I am not pretending to know what the Self is. My purpose for writing here is to find out, while simultaneously sharing with you. This process of self-discovery through writing investigation is a bit awkward at first because I've been trained in school to write with a certain voice. I see myself often still writing while thinking about how others might think about my self-expression through words. This is continuing to feed the flame of my ego. Alternatively, I write with SELF as the starting point of reference.

"Who am I within this topic?" is the starting point from which I must align my writing. Why? Because this is authentically self-support. No lies, agendas, deceit, or framing that is meant to pull a 'quick one' on you. So if you're reading this with an active mind chatter, looking for the holes in my story to discredit my entire person, you may just find it. My goal from now on is to double and triple check my starting point within my writing so that I can be sure that I am considering myself first within supporting myself through my self-expression. Lucky for you, you can read about it. It's best this way because it would be more selfish to hoard my self-investigation in some random folder on my computer.

Join me in an alignment process of SELF-forgiveness and commitment statements, and in future blogs I will continue to consciously practice this point until it is stable.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a need to write with a certain style so that I could please my readers, and in this not see, realize, or understand how I'm compromising my process.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize when and as I am writing for others instead of for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that others matter more in this process, and in that place my self-importance in the background.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think "others must hear this message and understand it and apply it, and if I can just get 2 or more people to see, realize, understand, and apply themselves within this journey to life, then I don't have to."

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand front and center in my own process.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to face this point directly to see how I am compromising myself by writing within ego (desire for + attention / fear of - attention), and take responsibility for this point by stopping.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I'm only just a breath away from realigning my starting point when and as I see myself writing within ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and defend my ego-stance within writing by claiming that others need to hear, and others will only listen if I write to and for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself in thinking that others can do it better, wherein I am abdicating taking responsibility for myself to be effective and clear within this process for myself as well as others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to arrogantly believe I already understand a point that I've been exposed to and thus believe that I do not need to walk the point through self-forgiveness and corrective application.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see or distinguish when I am existing within knowledge/information only in relation to a single point, OR when I have completely understood and defined who I am in relation to a single point.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to push through this resistance of releasing old habits/perceptions and defining new ones. This process will be lengthy, as I have already heavily defined 'who I am' in relation to this world and everyone in it. This egocentric 'who I am' now needs to be released and redefined within awareness. I create.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take ownership over 'who I am' as who I have created myself to be.


I commit myself to now take full responsibility for myself as 'who I am' as who I have become, and in the creation process of who I am to become.

When and as I see myself wanting to write in a way so that I am liked by others, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am in ego, overly concerned about how others will perceive my writing. I commit myself to breathe and bring myself back into a stability in my physical body, and continue writing for myself.

I know I have mentioned this point before multiple times, and I have yet to become stable within it. This indicates that there are more dimensions of it to discover.

I commit myself to continue to my investigation on this one specific point of ego-based writing.

I commit myself to continue pushing through any resistance toward facing this point and redefining it.

When and as I see myself in an energetic resistance toward finishing a blog post, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is only an energy experience that exists in the moments before physical application. I commit myself to the process of recognizing resistance energy for what it is, pushing through it, and applying myself effectively within a fresh starting point rooted in a breath.

When and as I see myself writing to be perceived or recognized positively, I stop I breathe. I realize that this starting point is not self-supportive. I commit myself to really check myself and see if I am writing in a voice that is special tailored in consideration of the reader before I consider myself within my writing.

When and as I see myself thinking that I am not good enough to stand and lead this process for myself and other, I stop, I breathe. I realize that if I don't stand, how can I trust anyone else to? I commit myself to giving 100% of my effort in understanding who I have become and redirecting who I am to be. I commit myself to stabilizing myself within a clear starting point of blogging and behaving within Self-Support so that I may support others effectively and enjoy my life!

More on this to come...until it is done.

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Day 371 - Accidental Self Programming

This blog post is a continuation from Day 370 - How to Program Yourself and Automate Behavior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try an over analyze and make a moment of physical decision more than what it simply is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to intellectualize my intellectualization by further removing myself from the basic facts of what happened and why, and to have instead written my last blog in separation of my experience, analogous to how I had removed myself from the experience of myself for that single moment of observing myself choosing to continue biting my nail in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue within a physical denial of responsibility when I see myself in a self-abusive pattern, specifically in this case, biting my thumb nail.

I forgive myself that I have continued accepting and allowing this automated decision to delay the stopping of my nail biting habit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to be able to make the physical changes that I see in a moment of clarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will do as I have always done, within this, seeing how I haven't always done this behavior, and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make this habit more than what it is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am less than my automated decisions, creating an experience of inability to change, rooted in fear, and confirming this fear with repetitive failure as I subject myself to the whims of these particular energetic parameters instead of realizing my response-ability to direct myself into and as change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget the importance of breathing. When and as I see myself trailing off into a mind-moment, I stop, I breathe. I refocus who I am in my physical body, and I make a decision to live what is best in the context of everything and everyone, including myself and my fingernails.

When and as I see myself biting my nails, I stop and I breathe. I see myself, and I commit myself to immediately take a physical action because I realize that if I hesitate, even for a moment, I give my mind time to spin and take me away from the physical, here reality.

When and as I see myself in a repetitive behavior that I don't explicitly and confidently want as a part of my lifestyle, I stop, then I take a breath and look at how did this pattern originate. If I do not immediately see the starting point, I can be sure that this behavior pattern is an outdated automation that I had created in my past and reaffirmed over time. In this case, I commit myself to take note and put forth the time to write about this experience until I am clear within my understanding of how this program came to be. From there, I commit myself to writing/speaking the specific self-forgiveness and corrective application to support myself in the process of real self-change.

I commit myself to take a close look at the relationship wherein I continually allow myself to not change, even when I see the self-compromise within the pattern. I realize that I have the solution as writing, self-forgiveness, and self-corrective application. Expand self-honesty, here. Wholesomeness. Integrity. Self-integrity.

Barring self-judgment, I see, realize, and understand the importance of adhering to true integrity, and I commit myself to move steadfast through my attachments/definitions and limitations that I have accepted and allowed of myself up to here.

Thanks me-I-you-us, for together we stand up for and as the solution.

Day 363 - Why did the chicken cross the road?

Some say the motivation was just to get to the other side...and it's funny. It's funny cause it's true. Because, we were expecting something more.

...I just spent a bit of time researching this classic "anti-joke," and I've found some interesting things. Here's the Wikipedia page, if that suits you...Also, here is a segment from an 8 minute video on the subject that interestingly goes into a neurological theory for why one might laugh at an anti-joke.

A realization I just had while looking more into why the chicken crossed the road: I must stay focused to clearly communicate my message, my conclusion, the point I'm trying to make. It's very easy to get off topic when there are so many directions that this could go, but the gift within this is the puzzle of finding the connection to the original point of discussion and articulating it in a way that readily makes sense.

This point of staying focused within the midst of a racing mind is a point that needs to be stabilized if we want to be effective in reality. To flow with the swaying of the mind is easier than disciplining oneself in physical reality context. This is the basis of what makes "ADD" kids less successful than the elite children in the private schools. I'll be using the Chicken to illustrate my concepts here on. You may see yourself as the Chicken.

Now, when Chicken is facing the road in front of him, and his mind is racing about all kinds of things, how is he going to get to the other side? The Chicken may even contemplate the 'how' as well as entertaining several what if's all related to one fear or another. But the question is: Why did the chicken cross the road? So, as the Chicken takes a deep breath and asks himself, Why?, he possess the power to make a choice and follow through. If a car is coming, it's a simple matter of common sense based in physical reality.

So, knowing your 'why' helps to focus. I'm pretty sure that a real life chicken would just operate with a 'why' starting point, and never even create a single thought. No energy is required for the chicken to motivate himself to cross the road.

So why am I crossing this metaphorical road? Let's first define the road. It's hard, difficult, risky, scary, real. On the other side of my road, I will define this as: being aligned with my physical body and all of physical existence through the principle of oneness and equality, unhindered in my expression (thought, word and deed) of what is Best For All in every moment of every breath. In this here 7-year Journey to Life blog, I'm writing about my process of crossing the road. In this process, I must face the road and forgive myself for creating energetic relationships (difficult, risky, scary, etc.) toward the road/process as well as all that constitutes who I have been in my journey before reaching the road. Getting to the other side is going to take some serious, focused introspection. 

If you took the time to check out that video segment I linked to at the beginning of this post, you get a nice visual for how the mind will operate in anticipation to reduce uncertainty. I most definitely am guilty of doing this, and the way I see it in how it breaks down is an ego desire to be right and the polarity fear of not knowing. This one information analysis/projection system of the mind is a major source of anxiety. Add it all up: Desire + Fear + Anxiety = petrified in uncertainty. Welcome to the world of being aware of being mind controlled.

The alternative is to be the Chicken who is so connected to his 'why' of crossing the road, it's clear, it's based in physical reality, that there is no need to think or worry or create projections and anxiety.

With purpose so clear

Focused fully, here

No need for fear

Ass is in gear

Fig. 2 - Ex. Immobilizing thought/desire