Day 423 - Hiding in a Relationship

There are some consequences playing out for me in my agreement-relationship, wherein I have fallen much more into my relationship tendencies than I have created agreements. In other words, I've been able to hide myself from myself through having another person to focus on and blame for my general life experience. I thought that by calling it an agreement meant that there was some automatic difference from a relationship...nope.

What I'm starting to realize now is how much work goes into manifesting agreement. In sales, the sales professional gets paid very well to apply effective communication to create shared understanding with the prospect. If my understanding is clear about the value of my proposition, we enter into agreement, and my prospect is transformed into a customer.

When my self-agreement, or understanding of my value proposition in and as LIFE, isn't exactly clear, reaching an agreement with another human being is (a) impossible, or (b) detrimental to the other human being.

Bottom line: Self comes first.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that an agreement-relationship is a guaranteed, stronger than marriage, relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide the true nature of myself by projecting my shit onto the other person, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding who I am is reflected in the other by nature of how mind projection works.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become less than my utmost potential by falling into my preprogrammed tendencies of trying to use the agreement-relationship as a relationship wherein I hide myself, from myself, by making it all about her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand my full responsibility to be an effective communicator, so that I can accurately name the game, create solutions, and then generate shared understanding/agreement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT first clarify for myself what I want to specifically create within an agreement-relationship. (Awesome support here: What did you Agree on?)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT see, realize and understand how by not clarifying my self-agreement first, I bring instability into the relationship and cause more discomfort and discord than harmony and agreement.


When and as I see myself reacting toward Garb, I commit myself to stop, and breathe. I realize that my programming to fight to not expose my systems is exactly the opposite of what I want to be doing in this agreement. I commit myself to speak the specific forgiveness statements, and continue to investigate myself in writing to find the root causes of my reaction patterns, effectively facing myself.

When and as I see myself hiding behind blame and projection, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I know how to bring the points back to myself, and that applying this tool is a form of essential self-application within my self-agreement. I commit myself to bringing every point of projected blame back to myself first and foremost.

When and as I see myself breaking my self-agreement and living in a way that is not best for all, I stop, I breathe. I realize that this process of self-honesty is a process, and the most challenging one in existence at that, so I commit myself to be gentle, yet steadfast, within my application of self-correction.

When and as I see myself speaking in energy, I STOP, I breathe. I realize that an effective communicator does not speak in energy, as this creates all kinds of barriers to hearing the actual points I intend to communicate. I realize that my intentions mean nothing, and that I should be measuring myself and my process by my application of effective self-expression of what is best for all, here, in this physical reality.

I commit myself to deconstructing all of my relationship tendencies, so that I may make room for substantial agreement creation in my agreement-relationship.

More awesome support here: http://wiki.destonians.com/Agreement

Day 289 - Anxious to Change the World

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to have a positive affect on the world without first giving myself the time to learn and live the principle of what is best for all. I realize that I must first become effective and responsible within the world system. I commit myself to continual realization that I need to stand stable before I run to assist others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put others before myself, structurally in my mind, thus creating consequences of ineffective communication (i.e. hypocritical) AND promoting my own ego enslavement through a socially constructed (externalized) self-definition. I realize the tendency to help others without helping self first is essentially a desire to be validated and thus a design of ego fulfillment. I commit myself to recognizing when I am trying to make a point that I haven't yet walked myself in my own experience, stop, breathe, and self-realize along WITH my communication partner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be up tight and anxious when I see how someone can benefit from the desteni tools, and then follow this emotion into a poorly construed attempt to teach another. I realize that I have been riding a feeling experience that I do not understand. I commit myself to stop and breathe whenever I see myself in this train of uncertain/ego motivation, even if it might look funny to change my starting point mid-interaction.

When and as I see myself desiring to move fast as a whole through the journey to process as a valid means of justifying the prioritization of my efforts to make others understand the desteni message, I stop I breathe. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to undermine my own self-worth and responsibility to walk my own process first. I realize that my anxiousness is not nearly as effective as if I slowed down and really helped myself first. I commit myself to do that.

Day 170 - Got to get here quick! pt.6 - Others

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to try to force others to see the merit of walking the process of self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am doing the good thing by telling others what they should do, not realizing the importance of walking process for self alone and how other's must walk it for themselves alone, too.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have bee stealing the moment of self-realization away from others by imposing what I think is the realization for them in their context, where I'm only really providing a solution that isn't considering everything, and so it fuels their drive to debate/argue/find their own way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak my impulsed thoughts without considering what's here in the context of all.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to ignore by breath and follow the energetic rise within me as "thought + feeling of right -> speaking it."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not breathe and investigate the reactions within me in how they relate to who I am / where I am in process of discovering self as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to help others before I've helped myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that "if only I get a bunch of others to join desteni, then I've been a worthy contribution and my my application of myself is not as important."

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how I've justified my advocacy character of placing others before self, and equated self as less, and so not worth my time.

This is a cool realization. The math of it looks like this: I am 1 person, but up against 10 others, I am less. Here, I did not realize oneness and equality, where 1 = all, so I = 10 others. Or 10 others is equal to my process. Only in limitation of separation am I able to hide as 1 up against 10, where 10-1 = 9 and is an overwhelming majority, and so justify not having to do work. :)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in overwhelmingness.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize myself as equal with all. Each one is the all, and all is all, so all = 1. No separation. So I could say that if I don't walk process, no one walks process. And so, I commit myself to walking process for me alone (because alone = all one).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I cannot change others nor is it my responsibility to change others outside of me. If I stand in separation of another, I am out of line in trying to change them, where I am basically robbing them of their opportunity to self-realize, delaying process as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am prolonging process by trying to be help others before I help myself. I commit myself to STOP this in one moment, repeatedly.

When and as I see myself attempting to solve another's problems within a hasty mental grasping of the the problem outside of myself, I stop I breathe. I realize that it is their responsibility to solve their own problems as they choose. I commit myself to attempting to only solve my own problems and assist others only when I am one and equal with the solution, and not trying to solve their issue from a self-interested starting point within separation (essentially, trying to prove to myself and other that I am smart and able to quickly solve new problems)

When and as I see myself justifying my impulse to help others with problems because I think they will move faster...oh snap, I've been doing this for a long time...justifying my egoistic aide...I stop this, I breathe. I now realize that I am not helping, and rather, I am not helping myself when I should be. I see how I am compromising self and other by standing in separation and not truly seeing myself or other as I just speak as.within the energetic impulse thought of reaction. I commit myself to turning back to myself within any and all charges/reactions toward other's problems.

When and as I see myself feeling praise or looking for praise in solving another's issues, I stop I breathe. I realize that WHEN ASKED, I can help if I understand the entire context and simply share my perspective without seeking praise. I commit myself to recognizing when an answer results in a positive feeling within me, and I commit myself to then investigate what my relationships are within that context to see where I have defined myself in limitation. I commit myself to forgive all self-definitions of separation that charge beliefs of who I am in relation to others. If I learn to be a mechanic, then I obviously will know more about something than someone else, but this is no longer accepted to charge my belief that I am separate and more than. Different and equal will come to define my evolution this year.

When and as I see myself in allowance of the movement of becoming overwhlemed, I stop I breathe. There is no excuse. I am not the energy of overwhelmed. I am not the victim of energy. I am stable. I am here. I am this physical existence and equally my mind.

So, I welcome my mind to assist and support me. I no longer accept and allow myself to be moved by the mind without consideration. I will investigate all points of self in relation to oneness and equality. Until it is done.

When and as I see myself in separation of another, within reactive speech, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am following a mentally impulsed thought based on memories. I commit myself to the correction process that will take much work, by following each thought-impulse back into myself to discover the source of the program within me, forgive myself for creating it, either directly or by conditioned allowance, and walk the change as the expression of my self-willed self-direction within the common sense alignment of what's best for all.

When and as I see myself as less, I stop I breathe. I realize there are an extensive amount of circumstances where this applies. I commit myself to investigating all of them.

When and as I see myself stealing an opportunity of self-realization from another, I stop I breathe. I reconsider who I am in relation to the point. I commit myself to speaking from a breath, rather than a thought. I commit myself to doing self-forgiveness for whenever I follow/become/express a thought as me, so that I may ultimately realize myself as the breath of the physical.

Enough. I've had enough writing and I bet you had enough reading (unless you just skipped to the end).

Tomorrow I will check my relationship to haste and close this series, unless, of course, it needs more attention. Thanks.

P.S. Today's focus topic was determined yesterday but written after listening to Cats 3, and this particular interview certainly influenced the realizations written above. I recommend this interview.

free use photo from flikr