Ok, I'm in the final 18 minutes of the month, so it's time for a quick recap and resetting my sights for October 2018. This is going to be my 13th post of 30 days, without any doubling up, even though that was my intention while excusing myself from missing a day.
I've learned that a lot of the issues I'm creating for myself come from framing my reality in narrow ways. For example, approaching my writing like I would homework, procrastinating it until the final few minutes, turning it into this big monster, just like I would with a term paper.
In hindsight, to make the most of not reaching my goal - I've got to learn all I can about myself and how I operate, so I can make a more realistic goal for myself. One thing: I underestimate how much energy these posts can take, so doing one a day is a lot. I cannot let this perceptual mishap continue to burn me as it has. More grounded, realistic planning will go along way. I'll continue to unpack more dimensions here as I find them.
For October, I commit myself to write 15 days or more. Time to test a commitment to myself for every other day. My thinking is this will open up more room for writing longer posts with more specifics and depth in them, while then giving me a day to rest in between (if needed). Test all things, keep what's best.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a failure, and so focus on failing instead of what I can do.
I commit myself to continue re-framing 'failure' in my living expression to catapult my success!
See you on the next calendar page.
Day 455 - Work Hard, Every Waking Hour
 |
| Click to watch inspiring video |
Right at the beginning of this video (20 seconds in), the creator shows a clip of Elon saying:
"...we're so hard off, we had just one computer; so the website was up during the day, and I was coding at night. Work hard, like, every waking hour. That's the thing I would say, particularly if you're starting a company."
The rest of the video is worthwhile, breaking down how Elon's inclusive vision for humanity is a major component to his appeal, making up for his poor presentation skills.
I may not have the intellect of Musk, but I share a similar vision for humanity = United. I foresee a world where individuals are looking out for the best interests self and all. Self is All, so golden rule all around!
But what's been getting in the way of such basic human compassion?
Fear.
The fear keeps us cycling in the mind, so we never get to truly know ourselves. And without knowing ourselves, we don't get to know others. Instead we fear them, because we've got to look out for #1 (+family/clan), only to end up giving cause for fear. Just as hurt people, hurt people; scared people scare people! We've got to start getting a handle on the Self = All equation, and start STOPPING these deep-seated & multi-generational designs that we've lived into our lives.
It's easy to fall into fear paradigm because we've collectively been doing it, a very long time.
Here comes the work!
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to work hard, every waking hour, in a balanced manner, such that all my needs and responsibilities are being taken care of, so that I may additionally focus on Self and Business development projects.
I commit myself to writing myself to orient when and as I see myself not working hard.
There's lots to do. Big world solutions are needed. This blog is just the beginning! Sack up Daniel.
#ElonSpeed
Day 454 - Going Deeper, pt.3
Falling into such a familiar pattern of justified inaction..it's slightly insane. But what I'm starting to realize is that REAL self change, takes time and dedicated practice.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify doing nothing, despite knowing that's exactly how nothing gets done.
Sometimes it's: Not feeling confident enough to post -
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify not writing because I am afraid that my expression isn't to par, participating in the vein of thoughts, labeled: "You are your own worst critic" - to diminish my confidence by comparison, both internally as a measure of where I think I should be or by hypothetical judgments from my readers... across the world... throughout time..
LOTS of space for my mind to play with me, when I'm not taking directive responsibility here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my writing about my audience, when this journey is firstly: self for self - me coming to terms with who I am, so that I can proactively reshape my destiny for the betterment of Self, and All.
Getting back to Self for Self -
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to quantumly prioritize the possible opinions of others, such that my subconscious chatter is getting in the way of my clarity and subsequent action.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that I'm here, leaving a physical impression everyday, and that I have a responsibility to direct and initiate my life to create physical outcomes that I can truly be proud of at the end of time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts that obscure my starting point, and then remain distracted instead of driving myself toward inner clarity.
I commit myself to grounding myself in the physical, writing, clarifying my starting point and the physical action plan required to see something through - and to recognize when I get off track, so that I may create a a new plan that sets me back on course.
Then there's Misplaced Authority -
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from Authority, and create a void within me that needs to be fulfilled by an outside force of validation before I will take action.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, recognize and implement Self-Authority, wherein I substantiate myself, build the self-trust by seeing who I am in the physical reality, acknowledge my lack, and fill that void myself - getting specific about resolving the uncertainties that would otherwise undermine my inner authority as the power to make clear decisions and direct myself accordingly.
I forgive myself for living and leading my life according to how I could elicit desirable reactions in others, and in that process, severely diminish my ability to make decisions for myself that comes from knowing myself and my context more clearly.
I commit myself to breathing and aligning information within myself in clarity, so as to eliminate any excuses for NOT seeing the common sense of a situation.
I commit myself to returning to the innocence of a child-like expression when I sit to do self-discovery work in these posts or when I work on career challenges, to incrementally develop my self-authority.
--
During this blogging challenge to myself this month, I've noticed another interesting dynamic holding this self-sabotage pattern in place:
There's is oscillating polarity going on where I am writing for others, or I am accountable to no one and so do not need to write. Here, I'm completely missing the point of remembering "WHY am I writing?" I am writing for me, first and foremost. Publishing and having readers MUST be secondary and not interfere with this authentic self-discovery and self-perfection process.
When and as I see myself justifying, excusing, or limiting my self-expression through writing blogs, I commit myself to getting clear, and remembering why I started this journey.
I commit myself to recognizing all of my fears of judgement that I have in relation to others, are in fact judgements that I have of myself, and I'm only projecting them on the world.
When and as I see myself in fear of how others might judge me, I commit myself to owning my self-judgements, forgiving them, and returning to clarity I need to proceed in facing any point.
...
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sit on this post because I judge it & myself as disorganized, scattered and lacking depth.
I commit myself to expanding on the points above, as the devil is in the details.
In order to hurdle these self-destructive points, I need to get clear, know myself inside and out, so I may sooner catch myself when I fall.
More to come. Thanks for your patience and support.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify doing nothing, despite knowing that's exactly how nothing gets done.
Sometimes it's: Not feeling confident enough to post -
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify not writing because I am afraid that my expression isn't to par, participating in the vein of thoughts, labeled: "You are your own worst critic" - to diminish my confidence by comparison, both internally as a measure of where I think I should be or by hypothetical judgments from my readers... across the world... throughout time..
LOTS of space for my mind to play with me, when I'm not taking directive responsibility here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my writing about my audience, when this journey is firstly: self for self - me coming to terms with who I am, so that I can proactively reshape my destiny for the betterment of Self, and All.
Getting back to Self for Self -
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to quantumly prioritize the possible opinions of others, such that my subconscious chatter is getting in the way of my clarity and subsequent action.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that I'm here, leaving a physical impression everyday, and that I have a responsibility to direct and initiate my life to create physical outcomes that I can truly be proud of at the end of time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts that obscure my starting point, and then remain distracted instead of driving myself toward inner clarity.
I commit myself to grounding myself in the physical, writing, clarifying my starting point and the physical action plan required to see something through - and to recognize when I get off track, so that I may create a a new plan that sets me back on course.
Then there's Misplaced Authority -
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from Authority, and create a void within me that needs to be fulfilled by an outside force of validation before I will take action.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, recognize and implement Self-Authority, wherein I substantiate myself, build the self-trust by seeing who I am in the physical reality, acknowledge my lack, and fill that void myself - getting specific about resolving the uncertainties that would otherwise undermine my inner authority as the power to make clear decisions and direct myself accordingly.
I forgive myself for living and leading my life according to how I could elicit desirable reactions in others, and in that process, severely diminish my ability to make decisions for myself that comes from knowing myself and my context more clearly.
I commit myself to breathing and aligning information within myself in clarity, so as to eliminate any excuses for NOT seeing the common sense of a situation.
I commit myself to returning to the innocence of a child-like expression when I sit to do self-discovery work in these posts or when I work on career challenges, to incrementally develop my self-authority.
--
During this blogging challenge to myself this month, I've noticed another interesting dynamic holding this self-sabotage pattern in place:
There's is oscillating polarity going on where I am writing for others, or I am accountable to no one and so do not need to write. Here, I'm completely missing the point of remembering "WHY am I writing?" I am writing for me, first and foremost. Publishing and having readers MUST be secondary and not interfere with this authentic self-discovery and self-perfection process.
When and as I see myself justifying, excusing, or limiting my self-expression through writing blogs, I commit myself to getting clear, and remembering why I started this journey.
I commit myself to recognizing all of my fears of judgement that I have in relation to others, are in fact judgements that I have of myself, and I'm only projecting them on the world.
When and as I see myself in fear of how others might judge me, I commit myself to owning my self-judgements, forgiving them, and returning to clarity I need to proceed in facing any point.
...
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sit on this post because I judge it & myself as disorganized, scattered and lacking depth.
I commit myself to expanding on the points above, as the devil is in the details.
In order to hurdle these self-destructive points, I need to get clear, know myself inside and out, so I may sooner catch myself when I fall.
More to come. Thanks for your patience and support.
Day 453 - Going Deeper, pt.2
Sputtering: to proceed or develop in a spasmodic and feeble way. (ex. The old car was running on fumes, sputtering down the road.)
Also continuing from my first post in this 30 day series, there's an apparent need to go deeper into why I keep blocking myself from writing.
One day, it's simple, I just let myself write.
The next day, well..
The resistance takes many forms, like sleepiness or jumping into distractions, but why am I giving way to the resistance so quickly each time I'm facing deeper dimensions of myself in writing?
All that comes up is fear as ego-protection. The what-ifs and the primary fear: been seen as the fallible human that I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear acknowledging my own imperfections, and try to avoid them by creating a personality of hesitancy in my self-expression, waiting for the right moment to assert myself in the right way - veiling my authenticity, cleverly even from myself, as I further develop a 'people-pleasing' personality and get further from myself, who I am, my wants, my goals and ambitions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself, because I fear that just being me, isn't enough.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide in personality constructs that are 'safe' because they work for me within my environment, not seeing, realizing or understanding how I'm then only ever building a 'house of cards', bound to come crashing down, because I'm not substantiating each relationship by bring my integrated self, my whole +1 to the table.
I commit myself to shedding the personalities, each time I recognize myself within one, and being vulnerable and raw, coming as I am, no self-judgement.
I commit myself to use my breath as cross reference in the physical, to assist with determining when/if I'm loaded up into a narrow personality construct, using breath as well to support my returning to presence and the authenticity that is always here, in real-time, breath-pace.
I commit myself to continue aligning my integrated character with what's best for all by removing personality systems that are outdated and/or in narrow in scope, and replacing them with an "okay-ness" or immediate self-acceptance, allowing me to walk vulnerably with any situation, and just allow my expression to come up. Whatever comes, I accept it, and then I face it as I continue to fine tune my standing character, as the expression living by principle, courage, and will to do best by me and others. No more personalities based of fear. #wasteoftime
There will be many parts to Going Deeper.. TBC
Also continuing from my first post in this 30 day series, there's an apparent need to go deeper into why I keep blocking myself from writing.
One day, it's simple, I just let myself write.
The next day, well..
The resistance takes many forms, like sleepiness or jumping into distractions, but why am I giving way to the resistance so quickly each time I'm facing deeper dimensions of myself in writing?
All that comes up is fear as ego-protection. The what-ifs and the primary fear: been seen as the fallible human that I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear acknowledging my own imperfections, and try to avoid them by creating a personality of hesitancy in my self-expression, waiting for the right moment to assert myself in the right way - veiling my authenticity, cleverly even from myself, as I further develop a 'people-pleasing' personality and get further from myself, who I am, my wants, my goals and ambitions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself, because I fear that just being me, isn't enough.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide in personality constructs that are 'safe' because they work for me within my environment, not seeing, realizing or understanding how I'm then only ever building a 'house of cards', bound to come crashing down, because I'm not substantiating each relationship by bring my integrated self, my whole +1 to the table.
I commit myself to shedding the personalities, each time I recognize myself within one, and being vulnerable and raw, coming as I am, no self-judgement.
I commit myself to use my breath as cross reference in the physical, to assist with determining when/if I'm loaded up into a narrow personality construct, using breath as well to support my returning to presence and the authenticity that is always here, in real-time, breath-pace.
I commit myself to continue aligning my integrated character with what's best for all by removing personality systems that are outdated and/or in narrow in scope, and replacing them with an "okay-ness" or immediate self-acceptance, allowing me to walk vulnerably with any situation, and just allow my expression to come up. Whatever comes, I accept it, and then I face it as I continue to fine tune my standing character, as the expression living by principle, courage, and will to do best by me and others. No more personalities based of fear. #wasteoftime
There will be many parts to Going Deeper.. TBC
Day 452 - Trip, Fall, Catch
Publishing everyday is no joke.
It's a serious commitment.
Life with all it's dynamic demands often get in the way. But here's the cool part: I'm always at will to catch myself in a fall.
Parkour lesson #1: Falling with grace.
(This will probably turn into another post.*)
When the ground is coming at you, there's actually a lot of time to respond to its/our velocity. When I first started playing with this concept, I was really drawn to the 'damage control' aspect, minimizing the overall impact for longevity of the body. Especially considering how a simple fall can have devastating, life-long consequences, I'd say it's worth it to practice and hone the skill of physical response capabilities the moment your inner ear tells you gravity is not operating within normal perimeters.
So, with the blogging, I didn't catch myself in 1 or even 2 days, and I find that interesting. I had plenty of moments to correct and perhaps not even miss any days. As soon as my evening plans changed, I could have incorporated my blogging time into my early afternoon time, for example. When I break it all down, all the excuses are BS.
What's valid, what stands, is that I do need to redefine, reshape, reconfigure these posts, to fit a "daily" style. What does that mean? I'll let go of pictures. Sometimes, but not all the times. The pressure I put on myself with the picture can sometimes be a reason for me to go into resistance, verses just simply dropping into my keyboard and the blank post and sharing candidly. Self-honestly, if I didn't procrastinate till 11:55pm to post each night, adding a picture isn't really such a big deal, and probably worth my while.
What else? I'll still do basic formatting. And I'm keeping the once-over edit, which is how I say: giving my post a single re-read, fixing, adding and subtracting as I see fit, and then publish. I'll keep adding keywords or labels, but how I do it may change. Instead of trying to attract others by using words that may help my search engine ranking, I'm going to simplify it and just do the basic few + some to categorize the main point, instead of trying to hit every angle.
And: I'm going to create 30 posts in the 30 days of September. That's what I signed on for initially, and when I missed these past few days, that's the agreement I made with myself, that instead of forcing myself to skip a day, I would let myself make it up. It's an odd excuse, "I'm not allowed to post TWO Day's in one day!" - I'll give this point its own post (soon), but the idea that "I can technically do what ever the hell I want to do," is really empowering. I set my own rules because it's my own self-expression. When life throws a curve ball, I adapt to the circumstance in my unique way. I commit myself to completing 30 posts in 30 days, even if that means I have to double or even triple up on some days.
The point of facing myself in a fall can be challenging (posts on that to come as well). It's a humble, recognition process, and then it's a decision to change the outcome for the best. It happens at all different time-levels. Fast-fast, when you're changing from high speed or heights, and much slower, at a different pace altogether - a 'life fall' (using that term loosely) happens when we just fall out of touch with ourselves, our interests, our joy, our meaning, our decision to be our best self..
I forgive me for accepting and allowing me mistreat me, by being less than I can be, and hiding from myself the reasons for which I'm sabotaging my best-self, so that I can't be honest with myself enough to see, realize and change without further ado.
I commit to treating me, myself, my life, with a little more respect, as this is the foundation of me in the world. I am responsible, within my capability, to grow as a human. All habits and behaviors that are not supportive of myself and others, are suspect and require deep, written examination (in posts to come).
I commit myself to reshaping how I approach this blog, being 'okay' with utilizing it more as a processing space for myself, however, publicly. So, it'll be more raw and behind-the-scenes style Dan, and I'll reserve the more fancy, SEO compliant, picture populated posts for another platform.*
For now, rest assured, I'll continue my writing. Fathom that it's totally possible to blog two days in one day, and just be ok with it, don't judge me. Ok?
Here we go!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)