Day 415 - Hearing or Watching Myself

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to fear listening to my own voice, to cross reference what I’m saying before sharing it with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on Garbrielle to vet my expression for me, and to have created our relationship to be this way in my mind – never letting her really know and understand that I want this of her because I’m embarrassed about this dependency relationship point because I know better and because Garb’s really independent and I don’t want to be seen as less than her – which I now see is one critical dimension of why I haven’t allowed myself to support and be supported in this relationship because I’m competing with her/others to validate myself, my standing in the world, in process, and in relation to my peers/others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am invalid, unworthy, “a zero”, an outsider, and someone who doesn’t have a voice, input, or impact in the direction of the world or my life circumstance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being impotent.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust my expression when I go out on a limb.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear energy to determine whether or not I go for it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to hide myself behind my hands via fingernail biting because I am afraid that if others get a good look at me AND decide I’m unworthy of their acceptance, then I have lost big time; and that by hiding behind my hands as an underlying objective within nail biting is a deliberate self-sabotage point so that I cannot be truly judged as who I really am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear giving it my all because I fear being judged for who I truly am.

I commit myself to listen to reread my writings, listen to my voice recordings, and watch my videos.

Then, I commit myself to investigating any reactions, clearing them with SF aloud, and if anything still remains, I'll consider what practical edits would help me express the nature of what I am trying to say.

I commit myself to publishing myself much more frequently.

I commit myself to sharing myself with others, no matter how much ego-based resistance I generate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate resistance to sharing myself within and through my participation in egocentric comparison judgments.

I commit myself to just getting myself and my process out there. No fear.

I commit myself to understand that I amplify my efforts in process by sharing myself! Exciting times ahead readers!

Thanks.