One Man's Journey to Life

Day 59 - Litter Removal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to clean up after others from the starting point of ego and doing it to support my conception of myself as a "good person."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am cleaning up the world's trash to try and make it fit my concept of perfection/cleanliness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that I can clean up the world's litter in the same way that I would clean my living area / desk / home.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move from the starting point of doing what's best for all as me, which in one sense I have always been doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not just simply clean trash unconditionally, for no reason other than to provide living space that is best for everyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others in my mind who I label as the unknown culprits of the trash making. And so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to clean trash in spite of others, leaving me feeling slightly angry and self-righteous.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and project my preferences of world cleanliness onto the unknown culprits as any and all outside of me that doesn't share the same perspective on the issue.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from others/all within self-righteousness instead of realizing that I have my own mess to clean up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for the "litter" in my life and my home by cleaning up and judging the other litter bugs out there.

When and as I see myself going into energy of my mind when I clean, I stop I breathe.

I realize that I can and must only clean for myself. I am the mess maker.

I commit myself to cleaning up the trash in my life whenever it makes sense to. Here, I see that this can be a best for all action, where I take all responsibility for my actions.

Clean up after your/my/our self.

Day 58 - Perfection

Perfectionism of mind versus self-perfection.

The way I understand it as of now: When my mind is running on perfectionism, I'm trying to make the world around me fit a picture perfect image in my mind. This causes much strain as the world around me isn't perfect. The first example that comes to mind is my nail biting habit, where in I want my nails to be perfect and free of impurities, so I use my readily available teeth as an imperfect tool to try to make my nails "nice looking" and smooth...perfect. Somehow, I've disregarded the fact that this doesn't work for over a decade.

To walk to process of perfecting self, I have to stop allowing my mind to project what I believe is perfect and stand here, equal with all points of myself. Through this equality stance, I can clearly see where I am not perfect...like this finger nail biting. So, I suppose what I am saying is that to live with the imperfections, realize them for what they are (accept that I've allowed them), and be the change is this mode of self-perfection. Here, I am not trying to achieve an image of perfection. Rather, I am walking toward what is actually best for me and for all, in self-honesty, breathing. No mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to be perfect, as what I have defined as perfect within my mind.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that in desiring to be perfect, I have gone into mind and separated myself from that perfect version of me that exists without trying. To purify myself. To live free of desire. To be. Here. Breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strive for perfection within my personality so that I can (ineffectively) dodge the fear of not being liked/accepted by others. I thought that I could get away with it, but perfection isn't as straight forward as the mind would have us believe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and impose my version of perfect onto the world around me. Wow. I've really been doing that.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I've been imposing perfection on others and so judging everyone according to the measure of what I saw was perfect at the time.

Obviously, this point is ginormous, so I'll continue walking it out here in my blog. Stay tuned!

Day 57 - Fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to experience life through fear.

When and as I see myself running from a fear, I stop I breathe.

I realize that only I can create the experience of fear.

I commit myself to facing every fear.

Don't try to stop me.

Thanks.

Day 56 - Taking Direction

In working for others, I've noticed how taking direction can be a challenge. This is typically because I have my own set of ways to get things done and it doesn't line up. When being paid by the boss, I'm not on my own time. I've agreed to allow another being direct me. So when I forget that, my mind will wander back into wanting to assert my own direction. I realize how I go into mind as justifications for why my way is better or more efficient. If not released in the form of verbal expression, the pent up energy goes into suppression. It's no wonder people hate their bosses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my thought of how something could be done better. If my boss is willing to hear me, I'll make a suggestion. If they would rather I execute the task according to their direction, that is the agreement I signed up for.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry for accepting and allowing someone else to direct me. Because I am one and equal to what I accept and allow, I actually am directing myself though another's direction. It's still self-direction! So I must be getting angry at myself..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear creating conflict with my bosses. This fear that I allow is why I'm mad. Why be afraid? Either suggest an alternative direction, or accept what I've allowed. Simple.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my time is only "my" time, and that when others give me direction, I am giving up my time. I don't own time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to unwittingly take the direction of another without considering the point of what is best for all.

And I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I am wasting my time in working for someone else. I can learn from others in any setting. Might has well find a setting that pays me to be there.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to formulate any kind of opinion about giving up my time to someone else, not realizing that I am giving my time to me, as the other. I can't waste my time unless I'm going up into my head and letting thoughts run rampid without a release.

The point here is, if I stay present within my given direction, I am still directing myself. If there is a more efficient way to accomplish something, and the situation permits, I'll throw it out there.

When and as I see myself inclined to argue how my method is better, I stop I breathe.

I realize that I am creating conflict, not resolution, by imposing my direction when it is uncalled for.

I commit myself to stopping the thought that "I know the best way," and the stopping the compulsion to express that (justified) thought, when the yield does not equate to what's best for all. When I am my ego, wanting to be the best, assert the best method and just plain be the best, I might be stepping on my boss' toes or not giving him the ability to direct me, as agreed upon by the nature of our relationship.

I commit myself to exposing this character of "knowing the best way." I do this a lot, and I see it as ego...finally.

Photo credit

Day 55 - Distracted by Consciousness

All too often, I let my mind wander. In this wandering, I am not the authority. It's my mind taking me along for the ride, all the while sending me through an experience of emotion and feeling. For most of my life, I have thought that having good feelings arise because my thinking, was the the yield of happiness that I would consider myself. It was the driving force. Who I am, come to find out, is not the positive feelings that I experience on my conscious distraction journeys.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wander about within the domain of mind/thoughts, not realizing that I am giving up my authority as who I am as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hand my life over to the programmed thoughts patterns of this one world mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for my participation within consciousness, and instead seek for external points in reality to blame and separate my self-definition from. Attempting to run from who I've accepted and allowed myself to become.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continually smoke marijuana and support this consciousness wandering. Yeah, I just went there. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I more enlightened when I smoke weed because it makes me feel good, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support others' minds, as they're minds are one with my mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just consider the positive aspects of wed and to ignore the negative ones. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to participate in my mind differently, without taking control myself, and so turn to weed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become side-tracked, and to continue down that side-track that was inspired by the distraction of my consciousness, indicating that I was not present here, directing myself from the physical reality. *For more info about the difference between self direction and mind direction starting point, start investigating this desteni stuff with me.

It's free to write yourself to freedom.